What Advice Would You Give Yourself 16 Years Ago?

Click the post title above for a wonderful letter by Catholic author and mother Danielle Bean to herself 16 years ago.

It was a good reminder as I sit here preparing for a council meeting to start and my hubby is wading knee deep in diapers and dinner. There is an ideal and there is a beauty in everything less than the ideal.

The Journey to Bethlehem: Our Journey to Christmas

It is the 2nd week of Advent. What are you thinking about? The temptation is to think about the things of the holiday season. Gifts, toys, parties, meals, travel plans, weather systems, money, and family. While one cannot live outside of society, one can certainly place the pressures of society in the correct order of priority. You can be sure that on her journey to Bethlehem Mary was thinking about things of the world. A place to sleep, food, being away from her family, birthing plans, clothing for Jesus (Jesus did arrive as a baby…diapers and burp cloths seem pretty universal to the experience); there is no question that Mary was anxious about the arrival of her son.

Perhaps it is important for us to remember that anxiety during Advent is okay. Perhaps we need to give ourselves permission to enter into the experience of the Holy Family on their journey to Joseph’s hometown. We are not so unlike the Holy Family.

And that goes for our trust in God too. We CAN imitate the trust Mary and Joseph had in God’s plan. We CAN trust that God will provide for our journey. It does not take a saint to reach a place of holiness. It just takes a little bit of time to listen to God. You CAN do it.

Though we may be called to monumental tasks of patience and generosity this holiday season, may we share in Mary’s proclamation, “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord. My spirit rejoices in God my savior!”

Farms and Barns and the Love of God

I find myself travelling to the far reaches of our diocese about once a month. While it can sometimes be a bit intimidating to navigate the small country roads, I find great joy in my solitary drives and the simplicity of the wholesome country I drive through.

After today's presentation at a church in Sturgeon Bay, I hopped back in the car with my eyes set on the road less taken. My destination: A little farm market near Algoma, Wisconsin. My goal: The final items for a local Christmas food basket.

After finding my items (and shhh...a few extra that will come in handy for tomorrow's celebration of the Feast of St. Nicholas), I found myself taking county road after country road to make my way back to the highway. Hands bundled in mittens with Bing Crosby crooning "Adeste Fideles", I drove past family farm after family barn. A light blustering of snowflakes accompained me as I drove and thought about a simpler time.

I reminiced the days of my youth when we lived out in the country and used to take drives to see family friends. How I loved the dark drives home with warm cocoa in our bellies and Garrison Keillor on the radio. The only lights were barn spotlights and the colorful holiday lights of some of our country neighbors. When the show was over, Dad would switch on the crackling remastering of Bing Crosby on CD. I would look out the car window at the stars and find myself wondering where God was "up there". How was it that Jesus was born? How did Jesus get from Heaven to earth? How could I possibly celebrate the birth of Jesus when it was so long ago?

Then we would arrive home. Mom would open the door and the cold chill of the winter wind would come rushing in and the overhead car light would sharply interrupt the dark quiet that had taken root in my soul. My mind was drawn to the practical things of finding my shoes, helping my younger sisters to the house, and making my way to bed without a fuss.

Nowadays, I live in that place of "practical things" more often than I would like. A college degree, a marriage, a home, and two children later, I find less and less time for the wonderings, and wanderings, of life. I suppose to some knowledge and experience brings comfort and a sense of preparation for the unexpected. Much as a cherish my education and the journey of my life thus far, I find that the more I learn the less I realize I know. Frankly, the less I want to know.

Today God and I got to talk like we used to talk. I asked my Father questions and He listened patiently, tangents and all, and offered His perspective. I simply got to be...to be loved...and to love back in all wonder.

What a great gift as we approach the feast of St. Nicholas. What a great gift indeed.

Tradition: Movies, Burgers, and Spoons

This post is a bit belated considering we received 12 inches of snow during a major blizzard this weekend, but I wanted to write about our perfect first snowfall none the less.

Here in Green Bay, we got a 1-2 inch dusting the first week of December. It happened to be a Wednesday date night and Kevin and I were scheduled to go see the newest Harry Potter movie. Recently Kevin has been quite insistent that we shake up our date night routine which has come to include mostly just dinner. The movie was good although I'm definitely not a Potter die-hard. Even though we had polished off a large popcorn and Diet Pepsi, somehow we still felt the need for dinner. With only 45 minutes before our babysitter went "off-duty" we decided to make a quick stop in at Culvers.

$8 later we found ourselves sitting in a nearly empty restaurant surrounded by gaudy tinsel, hanging snowflakes, and pictures frames haphazardly wrapped as Christmas presents. We sat quietly in our booth listening to George Straight espouse the joys of the season while we watched the snow fall outside.

It really felt like the beginning or end of a "partners for life" movie or television show. The camera zooms in (or out) on the unlikely couple in the diner eating a random assortment of breakfast and comfort foods and laughing gently at the events of the day.

That's Kevin and I. Unlikely partners for life. Our love story is one for the movies. I don't mean the anecdotal romantic comedy, but the journey of two strange birds indy film. God took two independent old-souls and gifted them with His will to love one another. Then he added two little souls, one with dimples and the other with a crooked smile. All slightly impish, there are days when I feel like we should live in hobit's hollow somewhere! And there are those that would call our charming home just that...:)

After a wonderful date night we returned home to our hollow to complete our family tradition for the first snow. The day of the first "real" snow (meaning it sticks) we end the day with a cup of hot cocoa and my porcelain snowman spoons.

It may not be the most elaborate of traditions. It may not be the most desirable of traditions. But for us, it is not the action, but the repetion that allows us a few moments to reflect on the journey and blessings behind us.

This year I think we've learned that perhaps traditions can grow. At this time next year maybe you'll find us at a local Culvers enjoying a burger and the everyday holiness that is our lives.

Thanksgiving Shepherd's Pie!

John Ross and his Irish buddy Ian watching the big trucks pick up leaves!

It's snowing here in Green Bay!!!!! The roads are covered and John Ross spent his entire breakfast (2 bowls of cereal and a container of yogurt) gazing out the dining room window and repeating "Whoa..." The first snow is a good day here at the Boerschinger home. But, I digress...

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday at our home. Kevin spent many years deprived of turkey because it was the preferred meat at his family home. I believe in a full turkey dinner with all of the fixings. Most, if not all, is homemade.

The thing with a homemade Thanksgiving at our house is that there are TONS of leftovers in various proportions. Howeve, when it comes to Thanksgiving, I cannot justify throwing anything out. I believe in using everything to its fullest capacity to respect the gift of food we've been given. I start by making turkey stock with the carcass and move on to soup with the stock and leftover meat and turkey paninis and cranberry sauce. Then the ingredients start to dwindle a bit...To avoid eating a final lonely lunch of stuffing and squishy corn, I came up with a new recipe this year!

Cue the Thanksgiving shepherd's pie!

The Irish tradition of shepherd's pie is at its simplest a deep dish of meat and vegetables smothered with a gravy-like sauce and topped with a thick layer of toasted mashed potatoes.

Ours consisted of leftover corn, leftover stuffing, chopped turkey (dark meat), leftover green bean casserole, and leftover gravy. I topped it with our leftover mashed potatoes which this year were made of sweet potatoes, russet potatoes, parsnips, butter, sour cream, heavy cream and chives. I warmed it all in the oven for about 30 minutes at about 375 and then cranked it up to about 425 to toast the top of the potatoes.

Everybody loved it! It was so yummy that this mama doesn't even mind the prospect of eating it for lunch every day this week.

I think the trick for us busy mamas who want to save time and money is to revisit the classic dishes and flavors and tweak them just slightly to fit whatever is in our pantry. Or perhaps leftover containers...

Fall: My Season

I love the fall. There is nothing quite like the feeling of walking out of the house and smelling the decay of leaves and the crisp fall air. I love the slight bite in the wind and the gently warmth I feel when I enter an establishment. I love bundling up and taking the kids for a walk.

For many, fall signifies a time of death and darkness. While I mourn the end of Saturday morning market with the final ritual canning and a savory butternut squash soup, I embrace the peace and life I find in the shortening days of autumn.

There is a slowing of life in the enveloping darkness of the late days of fall. I identify with a mama bear as my instinct to hibernate kicks in. I become more efficient and less concerned with the stress of the world. My priorities naturally shift to a greater focus on my family and for a short period of time each year society supports my priorities with sappy commercials about family holidays and especially patient church-goers.

John Ross was born at the end of November. Nothing more life-giving than that. I can't eat Thanksgiving dinner without remembering those last precious (and impatient) hours that my son was still inside me.

And on the tail of the fall season is Advent. The anticipation of the impending arrival of the Savior is certainly known to this mama. This year however, it is the peace and hush that I hope to embrace.

Yes, my children are 2 and 7 months.

Yes, I am a working mama.

Yes, I hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas is out of town this year.

I figure, if Mary can manage to give birth to Jesus in a cave and invite the shepherds in to view the little man a few hours later, I can find a few moments of peace each night to be quiet and remember God's provision. Perhaps, by Christmas, I will be ready to welcome the Savior into my heart and not just my home.

I've Never Been So Thankful for Lunch!

My son invited me to lunch the other day. This may not seem significant at first glance, but he's 2.

I sat him down for lunch and turned to go to the kitchen to do my usual chores while he ate. As I stepped across the threshold between the two rooms, I heard an insistent “Aye! Aye!” and turned around to see him repeatedly pointing his finger to the table and saying “Seat! Seat!” He was clearly inviting me to join him for our meal. He had classified meal time as family time. He had internalized our pattern and simply made it a part of himself. He didn’t have to think about it, he just acted as the Spirit prompted him.

At this time of year, between family and holidays, it is easy to get caught up in the necessity of doing. We must do the shopping, do the cooking, and do the driving. Then we must do the working to pay for the shopping and the cooking and the driving. Often, in all of our doing, we forget to be present in the moment and give thanks for the gift of ourselves.

The life of a steward begins when you realize that all you have and more importantly, all you are, is a gift. John Ross’ invitation was to more than just lunch. He invited me to simply be that which God has made me. Through my 2-year-old, Jesus called me out of my doing and invited me to sit at His feet as a mother, a wife, and a beautiful daughter of God.

Status Update: Amberly Says Goodbye to Facebook

Perhaps you've noticed that I haven't been very consistent about writing on this blog lately. It has been just one of many creative casualties of Facebook. Below you will find a note I sent to my closest Facebook friends about why I was choosing to delete my account. I hope you will join me here regularly for updates!

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Hello all you lovely ladies,

I’m just writing a quick note to those on my Facebook account who have made an effort to meet me or stay connected to me. After taking a few extended hiatuses from Facebook this past year, I’ve decided to delete my account. Without going into too much detail, Facebook has become a time and creativity sucker for me and my family. I am tired of feeling like I have lost time and energy to something that is supposed to be community-building. If I am going to spend time building community, I should be seeking depth instead of breadth. In being honest with myself, Facebook is a way for me as an introvert to “communicate” without having to make much effort and it feeds a very unhealthy passive-aggressive nature within me. While the disconnected, no pressure nature of Facebook may seem appealing to me on the surface, it is not the person I want to be in the lives of those I care about. I was created for something greater. I am a woman and I was designed to fill the empty space within me by way of deep relationships with others. Facebook keeps me from answering that call. Don’t get me wrong…I love my technology and will likely rely on e-mail for the convenience factor and will continue to update my winkflash pages with my photos.

So, I’m going to be deleting my account as soon as I can get my data extracted and all my items deleted. I hope to be complete by the end of next week. Whether an old or new friend, I do want to stay in touch, I just want to do so in a deeper way. Please contact me by phone or by e-mail. I am also on Skype. If you are one of those people who enjoy seeing photos of my children, touch base with me and I will give you our family Winkflash page and password.

Please know that this choice is a reflection on none of you and instead a choice I am making for my own heart and the well-being of my family.

Many blessings to you!

Our Little Souls

I have two children. This is my beautiful daughter. She is only 6 months old and yet I can see in her eyes what a beautiful young woman she will be one day. I can see the joy and radiance of God in her little smile and I can hear God's voice when she laughs from her belly.

As Catholics and Christians we talk about our co-creation with God. After having my children, I know understand that it applies to so much more than birth control, conception, and the mystery that is pregnancy. God gifted Kevin and me with these children and entrusted us as stewards of their lives and their futures. Together, through prayer and faith, we co-create these precious children. We nurture their bodies, their minds, and their little souls.

Wow, what an awesome calling.

It certainly gives me some perspective for those moments when my rambuctious two-year-old is flinging folded towels across the living room and trying to bite everything that makes contact with his lower canines and my daughter is screeching for rice cereal and whining for mama's arms. We're co-creating and this moment is yours LORD!

Feeling Exhausted

No inspirational message tonight. Just typing in solidarity with the thousands of parents out there who are exhausted at the end of today. When you ask what I did today: The children were dressed, the children were diapered, the children were fed, the children are still alive. If dinner is burnt, just be grateful that dinner made it to the oven at all.

A Great Hubby!

I just needed to take some time to recognize a very important person in my life.

This is someone without whom my life would have less meaning, less purpose, and certainly less excitement. Someone who is dedicated above all else to the well being of me and my children sometimes at the expense of his own desires.

My husband Kevin is by far the most selfless person in my life and that is saying a lot because I know some AMAZING people. From taking on the role of heavy lifter for our 14-month-old son as I reach my 6th month with #2 to getting out of bed at 3 a.m. on the coldest night of the year to tape our creeky back door closed, he is our all.

He generously gives of his time and patience, giving me every opportunity to pursue my passions and being there as a soft place to fall when things don't go as I expected. His flexibility has so often relieved my anxious nature. His sense of humor brings so much light and joy to our lives. And so much laughter...including that which is currently resonating from John Ross' belly as he tries to stick his finger in daddy's ear...

We are a schweetie team and I can't imagine my life any different. After nearly 3 years, I love him more today than I did when I married him.

Ladies, if you have a man in your life like this, tell him so. In fact, tell the world. Our wonderful husbands deserve as much recognition as we do for all the things that get done in our families.

They say that women typically outlive men. I truly believe that our longevity and their early demise can be wholly atributed to their complete fulfillment of their lives as men and their vocations as husband and father. They are designed by God to act upon others and fully spend themselves in support of the lives around them.

I love you Kevin. I am completely unworthy of the gift I have been given in you, but I am ever so grateful for every moment.

The "To-do" List

Did you know that the tasks on your “to-do” list are acts of stewardship? Not only are they great acts of service, but the acts of tending to your needs and the needs of others are an important piece of tending your garden of relationships. Let’s look at a few items from my “honey-do” list.

Item and Impact
Laundry - An easier morning for my family members picking out clothing
Taxes - A mommy who isn’t in tears at 11:59p.m. on April 14th, 2010
Wedding Favors - A sister/auntie who can focus on her nursing boards instead of what color ribbon to tie around her chocolate-dipped biscotti
Swiffer - No mice, no slips, and a pleasant and peaceful smell to welcome all who enter our home Write Bulletin Article - An honest look into life from one Christian to another.
We CAN do this!

It is important that we look upon our to-do lists, honey or otherwise, with eyes of stewardship. These tasks are important to our well-being and the well-being of others. By completing these tasks we make our lives on the journey less cluttered and allow more room to fill ourselves with God’s joy and more peace to seek God’s will.

"Hello? God? This is Amberly calling..."

God calls us to answer our baptismal call. For me, this is anything but easy.

How am I supposed to be mature, holy, concerned with the common good, sharing my gifts and an extension of God’s blessings all in the same day? I can barely remember to brush my teeth and grab the baby’s bottle before I leave the house in the morning!

And then it occurred to me…

- I maturely spoke kind words to the loan specialist about the loan coupon booklet that neverarrived and reversing the subsequent late fee.

- I shared holiness and patience with my son by singing along to his Bible songs CD during an unusually long traffic delay that postponed his suppertime bottle.

- I responded to the common good by taking the time to e-mail back a flustered friend withwords of affirmation and to follow up on a state health provision that could negativelyimpact thousands of marriages.

- I shared my gift for healthy cooking by making a balanced meal for my husband and sistereven though the last thing my stomach could tolerate was cooking beef.

- I was a conduit of God’s blessings as my exhausted husband sighed and opened our nightly devotional and I said quietly, “I’ll read tonight”.

Upon this reflection, I’ve deduced that the key to answering my baptismal call is being aware of my baptismal call in my everyday life. Specific and intentional responses to our baptismal call are important as well, but I believe that most importantly, God wants us to be thinking of our call within the context of how we live our everyday lives.

And the best way to awareness? A direct line with God by way of a practical, but regular prayer life.

For me, this means prayer time from daycare to work and devotional time with my husband before bed.

If you have trouble carving out time for prayer in your life, here is a method to consider. Presented in this form by author Trudelle Thomas, the Ignatian Examen is a daily practice of spiritual reflection that has been used by Christians for centuries. In essence, it consists of 2 questions.

- What am I most grateful for today?

- What am I least grateful for today?

Sometimes formal prayer can be daunting. These two questions can bring you a greater awareness of God’s presence in your day. These questions can take other forms if you prefer:

- When did I give and receive the most love today?

- When did I give and receive the least love today?

- When did I feel the most alive today?

- When did I feel the most life draining out of me today?

Just remember, however you get there, a direct line of communication with God is the key to answering your baptismal call.

Now, stop reading and go listen.

Life Maintenance...

I saw the phrase "life maintenance" on a friend's profile today and it got me to thinking, what maintenance do I need to do in my life. And then I got overwhelmed...

Maintenance in family life is constant. It is not something you relegate to one or two evenings. It is not something you ever complete. This realization was a hard one to accept. I am a recovering closet perfectionist who still cannot live life without a calendar and a list. I take GREAT pleasure in crossing things off my list when they are complete. After welcoming John Ross into our life I had to come to terms with the fact that just because I cross a task off my list doesn't mean that I won't have to do it again tomorrow or next week. At this point, I am less concerned with completion as I am with category of frequency such as daily, weekly, monthly, and my self-coined "when I can" category.

For my own stress relief, I will list them here. Just kidding...I know we all have our lists and no one needs to spend any extra time reading mine.

Here's the problem. When I wrote my lists, prayer didn't cross my mind until I got to "when I can". I'm not sure how I should feel about that. I mean, I'm the kind of gal who believes that prayer is key to a calm and collected life even when it gets crazy. I am also the kind of gal who believes that God meets me at the sink, the washing machine, or on the highway. That said, it seems that when I don't have prayer built into my daily "life maintenance" I have a hard time remembering to meet God at our designated oasises.

A friend of mine lovingly challenged me to look at my prayer life as one cause for my manic-ness this past week. In addition to a severe case of hormones, I had to admit to her that my prayer life sucks!!!

Okay friends, how do you build regular prayer time into your daily life maintenance? I'm looking for practical ideas that will work as built in reminders. When I was little, my mom always kept the family meds (we have some serious asthma issues in our family) in the drinking class cupboard. That way, anytime we went to the cupboard (especially at mealtimes like breakfast and bedtime snacks) we would see them and be reminded to take them.

Where do I put my regular prayer so that I am always reminded of it?

Women Unite!

Good morning all!

Again this morning I was affirmed in my call to serve women. So many women are looking for a safe and open place to find acceptance, understanding, and healing. So many women are looking for a place to explore relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and most importanly, how to get the laundry done.

Thank you to all the beautiful women in my life who have shared their lives, their needs and their support. I am so blessed to be able to serve with you as we live life.

I am preparing a list of speaking topics for upcoming events and inqueries and once again, I need your help. So, I have a question...what is it that you need TODAY?

A Window In...

I’ve written past posts about fertility awareness and natural family planning. I believe strongly in its importance to marriages and family life. Tonight, I want to offer a different kind of reflection.

Anyone squeamish about reading general reflections on our sex life should stop reading here. For those who choose to continue, I promise, no details.

John Ross was born on November 28^th, 2009. I nursed until he was a little more than 3 months when I couldn’t continue to balance it with my work schedule. My menstrual cycle returned shortly after I stopped nursing.

A predictable 28 days later another cycle began.

As a couple we were back on track and again enjoying married life, albeit with the new parental limitations of exhaustion and early morning wake up calls.

Then came the first missed cycle…

Two pregnancy tests later we were pretty certain we were not pregnant.

I must have missed cycle due to stress and hormones that we still trying to regulate.

Today is day 60 since my last cycle began…

Count, that is two regular menstrual cycles and as far as I know, I am still not pregnant.

However, for those of you familiar with fertility awareness, even with sympto-thermal evidence, the lack of a period makes knowing your “safe zones” a bit trickier.

During the fertile times of our intimate life, we believe that in complete love for one another we cannot withhold any part of ourselves, especially our life giving fertility. We either offer ourselves completely, open to the possibility of new life, or not at all.

Our plan (insert God’s laugh here) is to wait until John Ross is at least year before we start trying again so as to allow my body to heal.

So, not knowing our “safe zones”, we abstain. As a couple we have spent a lot of time talking about what we are meant to learn. Perhaps God is taking this opportunity to remind us that we are a part of His plan, not our own. Perhaps it is an opportunity for us to remember that our faith says sex has two purposes; procreative and unitive. It is not just about “yes baby” or “no baby”. Sex can be about joy, comfort or celebration. Our abstinence has given us a wonderful chance to identify the motives behind our intimacy and to meet those needs in other ways like service and quality time.

It’s not easy. We both have cravings for intimacy. It is challenging to feel close without the physical aspect of our relationship. But as difficult as abstinence is, we know that we are treasuring and protecting the life-giving love that we have been given.

This post is dedicated to all the wonderful couples in our life and around the world who choose life-giving love. We may not be able to roll in hay anytime we like, but when we do, watch out, we’re going to burn the barn down!!!

Healthy Habits are an Act of Discipleship

Below are some headlines from a well-known news website.

"Is the Economy Making You Fat?"


"Blow Your Diet? Blame Your Brain."


"How the Recession Wrecked My Cholesterol"


"Too Little Sleep May Raise Blood-Pressure"


All of these headlines make an excuse for living an unhealthy life. That implies that an unhealthy life is not something natural, but instead something that is brought upon by other forces. It is time to recognize that perhaps the busier, more convenient, more "advanced" lifestyle our society proposes is not in fact the right way to live. If a life-style is compromising the very breath that gives us life, I think it is time to re-evaluate.


I've got a headline for you. "The Body is a Temple."


So, let's evaluate this metaphor.


Would you board up the doors of a temple or church like fat and plaque from poor eating habits dam up the arteries of your heart?


Would you keep all of the windows latched and never allow fresh air into a temple like keep fresh air from your lungs when you smoke or pollute the air?


What if your active temple or church hung a sign on the door that said, “No services today, we’re too busy and too tired.”? Why is it okay to hang out those excuses when you should be exercising your body?


No temple or church could withstand constant use without downtime for maintenance and care. Why do you expect your body to work well without sleep and leisure?


These items only have to do with our physical and mental health. What about our spiritual health?


I received an e-mail recently that told of a man who had decided to quit going to church. He said to a friend, “I’ve been going to church for years, but I don’t remember the topic of a single sermon.”


The friend replied, “I’ve been married 30 years now and my wife has made me supper every night. I don’t remember a single meal she made me, but I know if I hadn’t eaten them, I wouldn’t be alive today.”


So let’s take a stand! You are not called to live life as a consumer. You are called to live life as a disciple.


As a disciple we must have discipline.


Discipline: (n.) activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training


So, I’ve dug into my files and come up with a discipline from Fr. Al McBride for “Temple Maintenance”. Fr. McBride is a Norbertine at St. Norbert’s Abbey in De Pere, WI.


Everyday do 6 things:


1. Something Good for Others


2. Something Good for Yourself


3. Something that you don’t want to do, but needs to be done


4. Physical Exercise


5. Mental Exercise (ie: reading, writing)


6. An original prayer everyday by naming your blessings (lots will be constant, but everyday something will be new or original).


What maintenance have you done on your temple today?

The Joys of Being a Mom and My Re-Discovered Love of Reading

Well, I have fallen in love with an old friend. That old friend is also a time-honored past time. I have fallen in love with reading.

During high school and college my reading ability completely digressed. I taught myself to skim materials for the sake of completion and basic fact recollection versus reading for the depth and comprehension that I had spent my foundational years perfecting.

4 years later, I have taught myself to read again and am currently working on a FABULOUS book called, "Spirituality in the Mother Zone".

You don't realize it as you are adjusting to all of the practical aspects of motherhood, but your spirituality changes drastically as you come face to face with the realities of being a mom. Going to church becomes truly a sacrifice because you spend most of the time trying to keep your little one quiet without taking them out of church. The cry room is not an option because it is full of toys and snacks and only provides one participation via a tiny TV screen. Not my idea of full participation. Even if I do keep him quiet, I still get the old ladies who gripe afterwards because he was such a distraction. Look, I'm sorry, I realize that you didn't bring your kids to church at this age, but mine will come to church. You want me here as a young married mom and that means you are going to get my FAMILY. I am teaching my children to go to church and understand what church is all about...maybe if you had brought your children to church when they were young we wouldn't be facing an unprecendented drop in church attendence and involvement.

Christianity through history has painted a very strange picture of Christian moms. We are supposed to be wonder women; quiet, humble, demure, forgiving, nurturing, and all out perfect. We keep perfect homes, perfect bodies (be they at some points in history, curvy), perfect marriages and perfect children. Those dark times of motherhood are forgotten about, perhaps simply not talked about, and one is left feeling lonely and removed not only from one's faith community, but in many ways from one's God.

In "Spirituality in the Mother Zone," Trudelle Thomas paints an amazing picture of the changes to our minds, our hearts, our souls and yes, even our bodies. She suggests that the Old Testement view of God and Spirit as Wisdom and Sophia might be a more appropriate sense of God for many women in "the Mother Zone". I am not one who visions God as Mother, but I definitely have a new sense for the feminine qualities of the Spirit as I venture into my own motherhood.

I wish I could write the whole book right here for all of you to read because not a page goes by that I don't say to myself, "Wow, that is amazing." Here are a few snippets...

She talks about the experience of first-time mom's being "cracked," as with grains of wheat, in order for us to grow into our new identy as mother.

She talks of the new image of body that mothers gain. "This is my body, given for you," takes on a whole new meaning when a nursing mom leaks through her work clothes and laughing causes unexpected jiggling in areas that were at earlier times taut and firm.

She talks of composing versus juggling. How many of us view life as juggling, as though the events of life are something unintentional?

She talks of the Ignatian examen as a way of processing one's day in an effort to energize and inspire healthy habits and focus on one's passions.

She writes of the vibrant and powerful tiger (or in my case I like to envision a lioness) inside each woman that can drive a woman's rage to productive forms like cour-rage and out-rage. These forms can be used to effect change for our loved ones. Anger is just another expression of love.

And that is as far as my Mother Zone has let me read, but I can't wait to read the rest. Trudelle Thomas has an uncanny way of nailing the isolated, conflicted, confronted but intensely spiritual feelings of motherhood. She does it from a feminine, but not feminist perspective that upholds the dignity of both motherhood AND womanhood. The difference in Thomas' style compared to many "parenting" books, is that she doesn't bemoan and labor on the realities. She writes of the realities with concise, honest and moving words and then presents positive, spiritual and forward-moving methods of facing them.

I am energized and encouraged by the up and downs of this book and I cannot wait to finish it and read it again with my highlighter in hand. If you get a chance, even if you're not a mom, read this book. It is such a transformational piece of writing.

Next time Kevin asks me what I want for a gift for a special occassion, I am going to ask him to read it. The perspective it offers is unusually unique and universal at the same time!

So continues my re-acquaintance with a long-lost love...

Our Love Story

Seeing as our 2nd anniversary just passed, I felt this a perfect opportunity to reflect on our amazing journey so far.

Short version...3 1/4 years ago we met, 3 years ago we started dating, 4 months later we were engaged, 7 months after that we were married, and 18 months later we were parents!

Now, for those of you who tuned in to hear the real story...here goes.

Kevin and I met by strange diocesan coincidence.

When I moved to Green Bay there was no young adult group to speak of. Along with another friend, we requested a list of young adults in the diocese who might be interested. Kevin was on this list.

Back story: Kevin would never have been on this list if he hadn’t finally broken down and gone on diocesan retreat with his Dad after years of pestering. Strangely, the man who married us, Bishop Bob, directed his first retreat.

We gathered our first time in my apartment and Kevin offered his house as a regular gathering area because there was more room.

We gathered there, sometimes as 3 people, sometimes as more, for several months. We spent many Thursday nights reflecting on faith and life and enjoying an occasional glass of wine. Admittedly, during this time I had a few thoughts of “Hmmm...he’s sweet, but I could never date him because he likes camping.” However, in the meantime I started dating the guy who I was coordinating the small group with!

Toward the end of May, the guy I was dating called things off. Much to my dismay, it was the week before he was supposed to help me move into my new apartment! I was without any help to move! I called Kevin just hoping I might get some help. He agreed.

Memorial Day weekend Kevin offered his time, his truck and his thumb for the cause. While moving my fold-out couch, he punctured his thumb and to this day has a numb spot to show for it.

I was so moved by this man who barely knew me and who would give up part of his holiday weekend to help me move in 90+ degree heat. Never once did he complain. Never once did he ask when we were going to be done. After an day of witty banter my curiosity was piqued.

The weekend after, I went to Cincinnati for my sister’s high school graduation. I knew I wanted to get to know Kevin better, but I had come off of a nasty, long-term relationship and I didn’t even know where to start. I stopped in Indianapolis to have dinner with my best friend and she told me that I had to call him and invite him out for a cup of coffee sometime soon.

I made the call. He wasn’t home. I left a message. He called back. I was sitting by the pool. I missed the call. He left a message. Yes.

On my return home, as I inched through a traffic backup in Milwaukee, we made plans for a light dinner on Wednesday night. He’d pick me up.

Dinner was simple but wonderful. Leaving the restaurant, I knew I didn’t want the night to end. We walked by the Fox River a short ways and then headed back to his house for a bottle of wine and some Sinatra on the deck.

Kevin dropped me at home at almost 1:00 a.m. and I had to get up for a 5:00 radio show!!! I still had to finish my rundown for the morning and I barely got 3 hours of sleep, but I was walking on air!

That Sunday, I got my first taste of Door County, WI. Kevin and I went to Mass at Resurrection (not my church at the time, but the church where we were eventually married and where I now work). Then we headed up the Door County peninsula for pastries, parks, beaches, and ice cream, followed by a fabulous dinner on the water.

At one point during the afternoon, we were sitting in an outdoor amphitheater and I asked, “What are we doing here?”, referring to our interpersonal situation.

Without missing a beat, Kevin replied, “Well, we can keep going from here and maybe go to the beach or get some ice cream if you want to.” He kissed me on the forehead (yes, strange) and we walked on. I kind of let the thought process go until another opportunity presented itself.

As we were sitting on the beach later that day I asked again.

“What are we doing here?” gesturing the interpersonal nature with a back and forth motion of my hands.

“Well, I’m all in.” Kevin replied.

“Good. That’s my sentiment. Give it all we’ve got and see where God takes it.” I confirmed. And that was it. We talked about our dreams and our passions, but no more about the relationship.

We had dinner at a restaurant on Lake Michigan. As we delicately maneuvered the dinner dance of an early date, the moon rose full, first red then bright yellow through the large windows on either side of our little corner of the restaurant. We traded laughs, sipped wine, and gazed intently at one another. After dinner we walked along the path right outside the windows we had just been gazing from.

As we reached the end of the path I breathed, “The moon is so beautiful tonight.”

Kevin replied seamlessly, as though in a classic film, “The moon is the second most beautiful thing tonight,” and he turned me around and kissed me.

Yes, it happened that way.

Grinning bigger than the moon, we headed back to his car and drove along the lake toward home. Upon returning to my apartment we snuggled up on the couch.

Kevin said later, “If I’d have known our night would have ended like this, I would have brought you home sooner.”

The following months were filled with wonderful times like that first Sunday. We went to church together every weekend, we took drives, met families, went to dinner, drank wine, attended weddings, and enjoyed learning about one another.

At the end of September, four months later, Kevin had a trip to Vegas planned. The Friday night before he was going to leave he came home with a ring. I had nothing to do with picking out the ring, but I gave him two words. Simple and elegant. Oh yes, and yellow gold because the contrast makes the diamond sparkle more!

I was pretty sure he had the ring, but I was also pretty sure he was going to wait to ask me. I remember gently reminding him that it would mean a lot to my dad if he called and asked to marry me.

He grabbed the phone and went for the basement. Apparently the conversation was noted as a conversation that neither party had ever had before. My dad wished him luck waiting to ask me…Dad proposed on February 12th over canned Chinese food because he couldn’t wait.

Apparently, the Krogh women are hard to wait for. Kevin walked back up the stairs, walked into the living room, handed me the box and asked me if I’d marry him. In our living room with my cats plodding around and climbing the screens!!!

Kevin had planned to wait until Sunday and take me to dinner at a local Italian restaurant. We found out later that the restaurant isn’t open on Sundays. We didn’t really feel like a fancy dinner on a Friday night and instead we went out for wings, gyros, and beer at a local Chicago-style Italian restaurant.

Two weeks later I was laid off and I had a very emotional time relinquishing control and relying on his financial support.

Kevin said, “When I asked you to marry me is when our marriage started. We will get through this together.”

I spent the next 6 months collecting unemployment, looking for a job and trying to plan a wedding with limited funds.

After 4 jobless months, we decided that I would move upstairs in Kevin’s house to save rent. A very hard decision with two younger sisters watching and parents that I knew wouldn’t approve.

Strangely enough, the day we met with Bishop Bob to go over our wedding ceremony, was the day I found my job. Bishop Bob met me at St. Brendan’s Inn for lunch and Kevin was late because he had gotten stuck by a train on the way over. As we sat there, Bishop pulled out the draft of a job description and asked if I’d be interested. He pre-interviewed me until Kevin arrived and I submitted my resume that following Friday.

I was offered the job 2 weeks after we were married.

We were married on a typical spring Friday in Wisconsin. The morning started off cool and rainy. Kevin had taken the day off and spent the morning watching movies. My dad and I had breakfast that morning and then my mom, my maids and I went off to have our hair and nails done. We finished up the last minute details at the church and returned home to dress.

We had a very small wedding of only the closest family and friends. The whole group totaled less than 40. We had dinner before the ceremony so that our friends and family could reflect on and testify to our relationship before we committed our lives to one another.

I wore a cream cocktail dress for dinner and changed into my wedding dress at the church.

My sisters gave a joint toast of which Johanna had to give most of because Alida, my maid of honor, was crying and laughing so hard she couldn’t talk.

My dad gave a colorful toast which included a reflection on my level of maturity and knowing that I would have to marry a man with the same level of faith and life perspective, but never thinking it would be someone 11 years older than me!

Leaving cake for later, we all left for the church. I frantically changed into my dress, touched up my lipstick and carefully avoided being spotted by my soon-to-be hubby while having my pictures taken.

I took my dad’s arm, sent my soon-to-be niece down the aisle ahead of me, squared my shoulders and smiled calmly as I prepared to take my last steps as Amberly Krogh to the melody of Ave Maria.

I don’t remember much about the ceremony. I remember our readings and how my grandfather read for us. I remember how my Confirmation sponsor read our petitions and prayed for our deceased grandparents. I remember how my paternal grandparents distributed the Eucharist and how my sister read a carefully chosen devotional that Kevin and I had taken as our own. I remember holding Kevin’s hand and trying to capture every moment in my memory.

After the ceremony and pictures, it was cakes, drinks, and home to bed. We arrived home, changed into comfy clothes, opened our gifts, and then snuggled up in bed for our first night as a married couple. And there we slept some of the most peaceful sleep of our lives lying contentedly in each other’s arms happy to simply hear each other breathe.

We arose the next morning to see my extended family off. We invited my immediate family back to the house for brats and cheese curds. We spent the afternoon laughing and talking until they had to get on the road. Kevin and I finished our honeymoon packing and went to bed early.

We arose to catch our flight to Montreal, Canada were we spent two days before making our way to Quebec City, Mount Ste. Anne, and Iles de Orleans. It was a fabulous international trip for discovering the country and each other. Quebec will always have a special place in our hearts and our marriage.

The following year was full of wonderful trips, people, and experiences. We truly make the best of every moment we have with one another.

In March of 2008, the day after St. Patrick’s Day, we found out we were pregnant. After a few frightening moments in the beginning, we embarked on the amazing, emotional, and life-altering experience of pregnancy. To know one another as ministers of the sacrament of marriage as a couple is one thing. To know one another as ministers of the sacrament of marriage as co-creators is a totally different thing. What a powerful and completely holy experience.

John Ross Boerschinger, our gift from God arrived on November 28th, 2008 after 10 hours of labor and 41 weeks of love. Within hours, I compared my son’s wrinkled forehead to that of his sleeping fathers and softly chuckled at the way they were both soothing themselves by rubbing their feet together. Our son is truly the ultimate gift and culmination of our marriage covenant.

The days that followed remain a blur of fingers, toes, tears, and trust. We were each other’s rocks and each other’s respite. Watching one another embrace the role of mama and papa has deepened our love in ways that we could only have imagined.

2 years later, I can’t imagine my life without Kevin. It seems like we have known each other for so much longer and loved each other forever. In marriage we have found true love, true commitment, and true vocation. Vocation is about discipline, holiness, self-sacrifice, and the perfection of love. The vocation of marriage, like any other vocation, is not easy, but together we remind each other that it is our calling. It is the loving, gentle, all-powerful, and all-knowing call of our Father in heaven, the Giver of all good gifts.

I love you schweetie. I can’t wait for the next year and the next year and the next year and…

Thoughts for the Day

Daybook – April 29th, 2009
Thank you again to Holly (www.fallingupwardholly.blogspot.com) and Peggy (http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/) for hosting!

Outside My Window ...
Believe it or not, it's been months since I opened the blinds in my office. John Ross was here with me for awhile and he could nap in the light. I was also pumping breastmilk and figured that I wouldn't make the best impression with parishioners if I was exposed with the blinds open...as I open them today I see a beautiful white daffodil and a welcome blue sky!!!

I am listening to...
The buzzing sounds of my office. Staff, parishioners, and questions of maximum importance like, "Why is the copier making that clicking noise?". I'm also listening to my IPOD playing "River of Dreams" by Billy Joel. My dad is a big fan and it is a blessed reminder of the simpler days of my childhood. One night Mom and Dad woke us all up, cracked the stereo and danced around the house with us!

To be Fit and Happy….
I exercised on Monday night, but after a night of teething screams didn't have much energy for it last night. Perhaps a lovely walk in the sunshine this afternoon with my little man!

I am thankful for ...
2 unbelievable years of marriage. Praise God the Giver of all good gifts!

From the kitchen ...
Baby rice cereal...we're just exploring the experience of eating right now...no nutritional value so to speak...next up: fresh butternut squash! For mommy and daddy: Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies! Mmmm!

I am wearing ...
Some of my frumpier work clothes. But I went with an orange t-shirt under my cream cardigan and dressed it up with my silver love knot necklace from Kevin.


I am creating ...
Materials to recognize our long-standing members at a luncheon this weekend. What a beautiful parish and history these people have created for my family!

On my iPod...
My "upbeat" playlist to help me wade through my morning at the office!

Towards a real education ...
Kevin and I are using a new couples devotional book before bedtime. I don't have the best regular prayer discipline and this is helping me to learn as well as helping me to learn about my husband, my marriage and myself.

Bringing beauty to my home ...
Hmmm...this might need to be the subject of my afternoon. I have just been trying to keep the baby stuff out of the thoroughfare so as to protect adult toes and kitty tails.

I am reading ...
"Brave New Family"...a compiliation of GK Chesterton's reflections on marriage and family life. Awesome!

I am hoping and praying….
That the Lord leads us in His way and His time to decisions about our livelihood and our home. A 70-year-old house and the prospect of more little ones leaves a lot to be considered and prayed about.

Around the house ...
Swiffering our laminates...I just can't seem to get this regular task to happen regularly...it doesn't help that my hubby has trouble with coordinating the Swiffering motion...

One of my favorite things ...
My women's ministry mornings!!! I haven't hosted one since before John Ross' arrival, but I have 4 of them on the calendar for next year! I can't wait!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
Finishing touches for the long-standing member luncheon...some time with the hubby...

Picture Thoughts

My mom...I love her dearly and can't wait until June when she is officially only 3 hours away! Not only is she a best friend, but she is a wellspring of hope and help!