13 January, 2008

Worry Warts...

I am so glad that there is no such thing as worry warts...there are worry lines...but those I can handle...

Why my sudden concern with with bumps of viral persuassion that are supposedly caused by worry? Well, maybe because I am a perpetual worrier.

Those who spend time with me may or may not realize this. I tend to be a very upbeat person, but the reality is that on the inside I am a bundle of anxiety. My upbeat nature isn't false, in fact it is my effort to change the world one crabby, anxious person at a time, but it doesn't always completely represent what is going on inside.

For example, last night, I was in a perfectly good mood. I was pleasant, jovial, and down-right pleasing to be with. And then I went to sleep. My inner being started to turn and worry and writhe. Literally I drempt about work all night...I was up every two hours...You see, we have this big survey going on at work right now that I am responsible for. So far we've had a great response so why I worry, I don't know. I just do and it affects me.

I often ask myself, knowing the internal turmoil, "Amberly, just how do you manage to get through the day without imploding???!!!" and my answer always comes back to, "Because you have faith."

Most of the time that answer from my soul isn't good enough because then I feel like I must have only a little faith if I am still anxious inside. Then there are those precious moments in life where I realize that yes, I am human. I am anxious and worried. But my faith in God's ultimate and loving plan is still there.

This from the woman who sat in the back of church pleading with God, "Your will Lord, not mine. Your will, not mine. Please, please make this work!!! Oh, and by the way, bring me peace..."

But that is what sets me apart from despair. I might not always get it right and I might not always get it complete, but I know where to turn. I know where to start. And God hasn't failed me yet. Each day I am given a new opportunity to offer my worries up to God. Each day a loving Father tries to teach me how to walk with Him and trust Him. And, I think I am learning. It is slow...probably the slowest I've ever learned something, but it is growing and God is patient.

I guess my point is, God doesn't let us get worry warts. He doesn't feel the need to give us ugly scars from our learning curve. He does however allow us to form gentle "worry lines", or as I prefer to call them "character lines". It is a reminder of His faithfulness as we try each day to bring Him more and more into our lives and offer Him our greatest hopes and our greatest fears.

And maybe someday my effort to change the world one person at a time with my upbeat attitude will do just that...it will change me.

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