So I have discovered something interesting about my sleeping moments. Well, actually, I should say my fiance has discovered some interesting things about my sleeping times.
I talk in my sleep.
Not unusual, true, but the things that are said are what are interesting.
It seems I am at my most honest and my most clear when I am sleeping. One afternoon I was quoted to have said, "We need to start keeping receipts," in relation to our wedding budget. Yesterday I remember saying, "Just relax, if you relax you'll be able to sleep better."
This is an interesting experience. Not only am I at my most honest, but I am also at my most vulnerable. I am so grateful to have a very open and honest relationship with just about everyone in my life because if I didn't, who knows what trauma could be caused by my sleep comas.
I believe this is what people mean by living a life of integrity. Now, I am not saying that I always operate with the most integrity, but it is about who you are when nobody is looking. That way, when people do look, especially in your most vulnerable of moments, they see the true, the good and the honest which isn't any different than the way you operate on a daily basis.
So, I am not afraid of what I am going to say when I sleep. Certainly, there are some funny moments...some embarrassing moments...and some sad moments, but there are no painful or hurtful moments. That gives me great hope for my eternal soul and for my example in the world.
That said, it is journey and we must perservere to maintain this level of integrity. We must work at it. We must take part in the graces of the Eurcharist and the sacrament of reconcilliation. We must keep ourselves in the state of grace, for ourselves and for those who walk with us and around us.
Funny though how it took a moment of vulnerability and another person entering into that vulnerability for me to recognize and process this experience of integrity. Speaks a bit to the concept of community and our beautiful communion of saints.
So much theology in one sleep cycle...I think I need a nap...