25 January, 2007

The Healing Process

I have been here in Cincinnati for 10 days now. I returned home to care for my little brother, the poodle puppy and Johanna. Johanna doesn't need much caring for, but we have a good time together. Mom has been in the hospital with our other little brother. He needed surgery to change the shape of his skull to allow his brain more room. It has been an interesting few days.

Being home has made me nostalgic. It made me remember all of the good times with my family, my sisters, and my friends. The last few years have been an interesting roller coaster ride. I have learned to fall and to trust at the same time. I have learned to say yes to God in even the darkest of times. I never thought they could get as dark as they did. But here I am. Happier and healthier than I have been in years, knowing that I am right where God meant me to be. If even one moment had been different, I may not be where I am now.

That said, there was a lot of pain inflicted in the last few years. And not all of it was on me. Much of it was on the people and relationships around me. My sisters...my dearest friends...my roommate. Some stood by and others couldn't. Some offered a shoulder and some placed blame. I don't judge either. I am grateful to those who stood by me, but I am glad those that needed to walked away. I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I am hoping to make amends. I know I can never make things the same, but just as other seek forgiveness from me, I seek forgiveness from them.

It reminds me of the wonderful gift of Catholic confession. I am blessed to be part of such a beautiful tradition and I pray that this may be a first step to making it's spirit a part of my daily life.

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