15 Months + 30 Years Equals Childhood

I always say that 15 months is when my life changes with a baby. Thomas has been no different. At the end of this month we will hit the 15 month milestone. He is walking, indicating needs, calling me mama, and feeding himself. He is as much joy and contentment as he was as a newborn. He brings so much light to our lives.

Next month marks another milestone for us as our beautiful Clara starts school. I will put two of my children on the bus each morning and spend a few blessed hours with my baby and my house. Never before have I had this blessing, challenging as it may be sometimes.

This year would have been so different if it weren't for the unexpected arrival of our Thomas. I would be working outside the home. I would be contemplating a move to full time. We would still have a nanny. The kitchen cabinets would not be refinished...

Because of the open nature of our marriage and my womb, our lives have been changed in such a miraculous way. I am now home with my children. I am now more present to their lives. Because I am now home during the day, my career as a writer and speaker has taken off in directions beyond my wildest dreams. My health has never been better in my adult life.

Today I sit in the visitor center of The Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe in La Crosse, Wisconsin. I am preparing to give a retreat for the executive board of Catholic Charities, La Crosse. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this as part of my life.

But my Lord did.

As I turn 30 this year, so many things have settled in my heart and become the focus of my prayer life. 30 so far seems to be the decade of reflection and reconciliation. We've lost some dear friends this year and come closer to others. We have been called to face the mortality of our loved ones and the mortality of ourselves. The great blessing in reflecting on our limited humanness is the opportunity to remember God generosity, God's provision, and God's fortifying love.

Since losing a dear friend in June I've spent a great deal of time reflecting on those in my life who have impacted the woman I am today. Two weeks before his death I ran into him while dining at a local restaurant with my children and mother-in-law. He bought our dinner, unbeknownst to us, until the bill arrived. I thanked him, Clara gave him a drawing and we went on our way with a light quip about lunch sometime soon. About a week later, I drove past the parish where we'd worked together and saw his vehicle out front. I considered stopping to talk, but told myself I'd do it later. A week later, he had gone to our Lord. It is one of those moments I will never forget; one of those missed opportunities that will stay with me forever.

As such, I'm making it a point to feel more in my 30s. My husband regularly reminds me that I need to trust God and follow my heart, not the way society tells my heart it should be feeling. In the past 20 years I've left so many things unsaid. Raised to move around, I've left so many relationships unfinished. It is only now that I am beginning to appreciate the person God created me to be. It is only in the present moment, stable and supported, that I have truly begun to appreciate the awkward, precocious, curious, and genuine young woman of my youth. My adolescent emotions and anxiety had validity. These experiences make me authentic and I must not go forgetting them or pretending they didn't happen. I've already spent too many years running away and then trying to catch up to whom I really am. I'm tired of starting over.

I want my daughter to know authenticity. I want her to trust her heart at any age. I want my son to recognize, name, and embrace his "old soul" in a way I wish I had. I want my baby to forever live in his simple joy of risk. I want to protect them, but I want them to grow to love their own identity and their own place in this world, unmasked by my fear and trepidation.

God guides our hearts if only we take time to listen. It's easy to talk. It's hard to listen. As a child, I was a great listener. When I found myself no longer heard, my ability to listen diminished, leaving me vulnerable, confused and broken. When I married Kevin, my voice once again took on sound and I am now in a place where I need to practice the art of listening once again. I must re-learn listening so that I can grow in Faith, Hope, and Love.

Matthew 18:1-5 "At that time the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, "Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.""

I having been hearing God's call in this passage for the past few months. 30 marks a new childhood for me. I must embrace this time with my young children and husband as a time to not only example, but practice these childlike arts. I am being called to fill myself up with knowledge and experiences like a child. I am being called to practice once again the genuine love, innocent trust, and fearless abandonment of my childhood. It is time to laugh like Christ and the little child.

I am excited and I am grateful. I miss my dear friend, but I'm in debt to him for being an example of Christ's selfless, ever-giving love and for inspiring me to embrace the Christ child within.

"Come, sit, and tell stories of those loved."

 

 

 

 

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Favorite Quotes of the Week - In Memorium

The past weekend we lost our beloved priest Fr. Tom Hagendorf. He was an excellent teacher and compassionate man. He took such joy in our children and was scheduled to celebrate the baptism of our 3rd. He will be deeply missed in our lives and in our community.

The past week has left me some really serious quotes to reflect on in light of what this life calls us to do. As I head into yet another phase of newborn-dom, I hope to spend some time discerning what exactly God wants me to do with His wisdom.

Sermon from the day after our pastor died from his fellow Norbertine brother and prior:
"I want to be one of those scooter priests..."

"Jimmy, I want to go out with my boots on."

http://holycrossfamily.blogspot.com/2013/05/homily-for-may-19-2013-pentecost.html

Father Tom always used to say to Kevin and I, "My mother always told me that children making noise during the Mass was in return for all of the services I ruined for her as a child. I figure, I can always talk louder than they can."

Hmmm...really thinking hard on this one from Pope Francis:
"We cannot become starched Christians, too polite, who speak of theology calmly over tea. We have to become courageous Christians and seek out those (who need help most)," he said.

Women in the Church

I was recently asked to reflect on the importance of women's spirituality opportunities from my role as a speaker and facilitor for Catholic women's events. This was the testimony I wrote for a parish facing questions about the importance of their women's events.


As Catholic women, I think we are in a unique time. In society today, more and more women are taking on the role of the spiritual head of household. They are hungry for time in the Red Tent; time with other women, time to grow, and the nourishment to feed their souls. From a Catholic standpoint we’ve spent a lot of time trying “not to loose” our Christian women because we need their service and their gifts instead of trying to inspire and offer opportunities for growth in our uniquely CATHOLIC faith. Many women are finding support in other ways like online communities and evangelical Bible studies. I believe that women who call themselves Catholic deserve more attention than we as a church are currently giving them.

From someone who has seen HUGE response to Catholic women’s programs here in Green Bay, I can say that everything we hear from women is that they need community and formation that comes from the other women in their community. There is no one who understands the experience of a woman better than another woman. In a world where we don’t have our mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts as readily available to teach us about the faith journey of a woman, our parish community has become more important, not less, in our life journey.

When we ask women to evaluate their experiences after an event, most of our women indicate that they are still hungry. They want more. They want opportunities to learn about women in the Bible. They want evenings to gather and discuss relevant books. They want regional pilgrimages, weekend retreats, and mother/daughter opportunities. They also want to see the men in their lives be offered similar experiences. There is no lack of need in the lives of the women I serve, but a lack of supply of Catholic speakers, parishes, and dioceses that are willing and able to provide these experiences.

The women at the Red Tent event at your parish said all that needs to be said about experiences like this. At the beginning of the event each woman shared their unique reason for being there, but all of them indicating a need for growth and understanding. One woman stopped me at the lunch hour and said, “I can’t believe it’s noon already! I thought I was going to go home after lunch and get some of the stuff I thought I “needed” to get done, but I have realized through the morning that this is what I need.” And another said, “It is nice to have someone else tell me that my spiritual life is important and someone who makes time to help me grow.”

For a Church and religion that puts such an emphasis on the role of our mother Mary and relies so heavily on the day-to-day contributions of women we cannot simply leave our unique spirituality and formation to adult formation and catechesis. We need significant experiences of Christ and Christ’s community of women to continue to motivate us and by extension our families to live holy lives.

From a more practical standpoint, while there are certainly women in the local community that could be called upon to offer reflections and retreat days, it is often important to bring in speakers who are from beyond your community. Just like children are more likely to listen to the advice of adults other than their parents so are women who believe that the message being offered them isn’t tempered by the needs of their parish.

Most certainly, speakers cost money. Having spent time talking with other women who speak like I do, we do our best to balance the financial needs and limitations of the communities we serve and our need to help support our families. When you pay a Catholic speaker, you are not simply writing a check to a faceless corporation for a material or service. You are often writing a check to a Catholic family that uses the money to further support the mission of the Church. For my family, the stipend for the presentation I gave this weekend will allow my husband and me to take an extra day off this summer in order to stop and stay a day at a pilgrimage site on our way to a family vacation. It is the first of what we hope will be many trips for our young children that will define the national and international reach of their faith family.

Working for a parish I know as well as anyone the annual back and forth of balancing a budget. I know the cost/benefit analysis that surrounds every good thing that we do. I do encourage you to continue having meaningful conversations about the spiritual growth and priorities of the women in your community. John Paul II called us to a “New Feminism” and there is no better time than now to embrace that call and empower Catholic women in service of the Gospel.