NO! I am not nervous...

10 days until our wedding and NO! I am not nervous...

Kevin threatened to punch the next person who asked that question...

Honestly, I am so in love with and so confident in the man I am marrying and the marriage we are creating that there is nothing to worry about. It is a small wedding, with only our closest friends and relatives (40 people...and that doesn't mean that if you weren't invited to the ceremony you aren't special...Alli...:)...). There isn't much to fuss over. If my hair isn't perfect, or the cakes aren't perfect, or someone trips, so what? What difference does it make? In fact, it will make our wedding unique.

I can't imagine it being anything other than perfect. At least in my mind...

Although, there is one little thing. Kevin's passport still hasn't come and under the new laws, he has to have one to fly into Canada...so we have become intimately familiar with the passport office. And basically, three-quarters of the time, they hang up on us. It is lovely. I'll keep you updated on this one...

Other than that, we are just cruising into the finish line. Or is it the starting line? Or is it only a lane marker? He's got a lot of work and I have a lot of church. Either way, we both have a lot of love. We're both excited to be Mr. and Mrs. Boerschinger.

I'll try to keep this updated through the countdown and the honeymoon...it will all depend on internet access in Canada!!

A Wisconsin Rite of Passage

I just returned from the grocery store. My final count included, brats, buns for brats, eggplant, tomatoes, and peanut butter. Thrilling I know. My inspiration for said impromptu grocery raid was an age-old Wisconsin rite of passage. It is officially spring and almost 80 degrees and that means beer-boiled brats. Yes, sickening and strange as that might sound to some of you, it is truly an amazing experience.

The human condition requires marks in time. Time is so much greater than we can comprehend that we must ritualize it with celebration and often times food. For some it is a long evening in the garage with a cold beer, marking the return of warm weather. For others it is a long-awaited trip to "visit the boat" in it's winter home. For some it is a "girls weekend".

Well, the days of beautiful weather have again come, albeit a little cold, and as I sit here and look at the beautiful blossoms outside my upstairs office, I can't help but feel that time is passing a bit too quickly. Just last week, my husband and I got married. We spent the last week in Montreal and Quebec City and yet, but two days later, it feels like months ago. I suppose that is why we must always live in the moment. We must never hope for a better moment or a chance to relive something. Time passes too quickly and no amount of ritual will change that.

Allergy Season...

What feels like swallowing razor blades, runs like Niagara Falls, and eats cardboard? Allergies...

I can't swallow, I am clinging to my Kleenex box like a canteen in the desert, and I could pour an entire bottle of Tabasco down my throat and walk away smiling. The sun is out, the ground is waking up, and the 9 month allergy season has begun...

I have never had allergies before moving to Green Bay. Maybe it's the paper mills or maybe I am getting old. Either way, it sucks. I am getting married in a month and my eyes look like somebody punched me repeatedly...

Yet, there is relief. It's this little white pill called Claritin. Problem is, I have to remember to take it. People like my sisters have taken medicines their entire life. Me, not so much. I've tried everything. I've put them next to the sink. The cat knocks them in the sink. I've set them next to the espresso machine. The other cat knocks them into the trash or my fiance's coat pocket. I've set them on my desk where I take my first latte of the day. Usually the latte is too hot to take a pill with right away and by the time I remember, the cat's needed feeding and I'm downstairs again and the latte is gone.

Now there are two logical solutions to these problems...1) Get rid of the cats as they seem to be the root of the problem (and I don't mean the allergies) or 2) if I had another solution, would I be writing this?

Please, if you have any ideas regarding this particular feline conundrum, share. I don't think my fiance signed on to marry the cousin of Frankenstein's bride...

The Never-Ending To-Do List

That title alone seems weighted and wordy...what I wouldn't give for a week at the beach!

That is my life. Let me elaborate. I'm getting married in less than 5 weeks...I know. And if that weren't enough, I really thought I wasn't stressed. And then everybody (the Deacon, my grandmother, my sister, my future-mother-in-law...) keeps telling me not to let it get the better of me and to enjoy it. Well, I was enjoying it until you stressed me out! And the guest list...oy vey...We are having a 40 person wedding and a huge picnic for the rest in May (reasoning in upcoming blog). It shouldn't be that complicated. And yet, I find surprises around every corner. People who weren't invited coming. People I absolutely expected and counted on, not coming.

And don't even get me started on the seating arrangements...yikes!

Besides that, I have set myself on a mission to complete my to-do list. You know, that ball-and-chain that has followed you around for the past 5 years...Mine currently includes launching my freelance career, cleaning out and updating my wardrobe, catching my scrapbook up, painting the basement, reupholstering the dining room chairs, organizing my iTunes, and planting my vegetable garden. Seriously!!! How many times can you use the phrase "Oy Vey!" in a day if you aren't actually Jewish???

So, I've just posted the list in virtually every possible place and anytime I am tempted by other distractions (tv, outdoors, coffee, shopping, kitties...) I just look up and hope that one of my to-do lists is locally visible!

Yet, I am finally embracing my unemployment with 2 months remaining...When else in my life am I going to have the unabashed and unashamed opportunity to be an adult without some kind of job? Be it professional or mom, never again will I be able to sleep in, drink my coffee slowly from a mug, go to the grocery store alone at 9:00 in the morning (when there is no one else there!), craft uninterrupted for 6 hour stretches, write letters (real letters, not e-mails), take my father-in-law to therapy without having to schedule it in, cook an extensive 4 hour meal before my sweetie gets home from work, and just all around enjoy life!!!! I am embracing it. God gave me the blessed opportunity to set up housekeeping. Sure, it was before the wedding, but hey, who am I to question God!

So, I close this e-mail with a hooray!!! I am currently off to exercise my ability to take the weight of my to-do list off my mind. At least until tomorrow...

The Gift of Nicholas

My sister has re-inspired my blogging...if I am not careful, her witticism will surpass mine!!!

3 weeks ago, Kevin's best friend and his wife had their first baby, Nicholas. He is the most adorable little thing you have ever seen!

As a result, Kevin and I were discussing life and how it has changed over the past years. He and his best friend have been friends for almost 20 years now! Kevin lived in Milwaukee and Chicago, and Gregg was in the Army. There were good times and there were dark times. There were months when they went without talking. And yet, Kevin remembers when they talked about getting married and having children and it is a strange experience to see it coming to fruition.

I also have moved around a bit. As I reflect on my friendships over the years, most of them have drifted apart. Getting married really gives you the opportunity to see who is still really invested and who isn't. I have friends in all stages. I have one, the one I expected to be there, who isn't. I have another who I never in a million years expected to be there (my best friend from Kindergarten) who is thrilled to be coming! And I have another who is on the fence about the friendship all together. And there is a new friend who thought my wedding was important enough that even when she wasn't invited to the dinner asked if she could come to the ceremony. Life changes things. My life is leaps and bounds different from who I was in all those stages. Thank God for that! We become different people. If a friendship can evolve to incorporate those changes, it is a beautiful thing. For my best friend from Kindergarten, our friendship kind of hibernated the past 18 years. And if it can't survive, we bless those friendships and let them go. It doesn't lessen the connection or the time we had together, it just says that the friendship taught us, blessed us, held us, and now it is time to let go.

Lifelong friendships are a blessing. Phase/Stage friendships are a blessing. A friendship that lasts the duration of an event is a blessing. I've had them all. Some of them have passed through me and others remain in me. They were all still in me, at the very depth of my being.

I am who I am. I live where I live. I've made choices and paid the consequences of those choices. I've also reaped the great blessings of those choices. I chose to live my life without regrets. That doesn't mean there isn't opportunities for apologies and reparation for bad choices, but ladies, we're grown-ups now. I don't have a magic wand. I can't make it all better with a kiss and a band-aid. I can say I am sorry and then the ball is in your court. You can walk away and end the game or you can keep playing. Either way, I'll still love you and always think of the good times we had.

Code Name: Freelancer

All right, so that was a lame play on Sydney Bristow's CIA tag on Alias, but it was fun anyways.

I am officially freelancing. If my attempts are anything like my attempts to blog daily, I will be an utter failure, but I hope the two endeavors will balance themselves.

I am available to write:

Articles (on various topics)

Brochures

Invitations

Books

Advertisements

Corporate Communications

It should be an interesting ride. It is great that I get to sit in my beautiful upstairs office, next to my window seat, in my PAJAMAS and write for a living. That is not to say that I am not still looking for a full-time position. The sucess potential of my freelancing increases exponentially if we reduce the pressure by landing a full-time job, but for now, this is good.

Other than that, I am working tirelessly to complete a 5 year to-do list before the wedding. I am caring for two manic felines and a man perpetually infected by Spring Fever. I knew I was in for trouble when the topic of "visiting the boat" in the barn (where it is stored for the winter) came up.

Well, I best be off. I've got scalloped potatoes on the stove (waiting for the oven), seafood dip in the fridge, and a frozen trout on the way...don't ask, it's Lent.

Home

I just finished a book by Alice von Hildebrand "By Love Refined: Letters to Young Bride" and she said a lot of things, but this was one of my favorites.

"Like the oriental carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day - the precious bits of wool she's been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love."

I was so glad to return home a week and a half ago. There is just something about your own house, your own bed, and your own system. I loved spending time with my sister, the baby, my parents, and the puppies, but Mom has a very particular system. Sometime since I left, my family has all become automatons of said system. When the kitchen wasn't clean when and how Mom does it, Dad made sure I knew it. When Alida came home for the weekend, she spent the first hour cleaning the kitchen counter off...apparently, all but Hanna have fallen prey to my mother's "way". :)

Even the puppy (65 pound puppy mind you) was off-kilter without my mom. He usually has a lot of energy, but he was particularily difficult while I was there and was a prince when Mom was home from the hospital for a few precious minutes.

Things got done, they just got done my way. And some of them didn't get done my way. Mom has a very particular way of doing baby laundry and somehow I knew that if I didn't do it exactly right, she'd know...:)

And then there were the bottles...So, the baby goes through about 7 bottles a day...I had about 9 bottles in circulation...so, I'd wait until they were all gone, put them in the dishwasher in the really cool bottle washer thing, and fill them when they came out. I came to find out the morning I left, that mom had about 20 of those things that I could have rotated. It's nice to know you're own home, isn't it?

Sure, I returned home to a messy kitchen table and loads of laundry, but I realized while I was gone that I really don't mind that stuff. (Kevin might say that I never really minded it because it takes me 5 days longer than him to recognize the need to do anything...Dad and I have decided I just have a higher "dirty" tolerance...eventually it will get done!) I knew where the towels were. I knew which knives I could use and for what. I knew what I had in my food pantry for meals. I knew what had to be done and when.

The first morning mom was home from the hospital with Matti, she asked me, "So, how do you like being a mom?" I told her that I didn't really feel like the mom. I didn't have a problem balancing the jobs, but the baby still wasn't mine, nor was the schedule. If I was the mom, I would have the routine and functions down to my pace and priority list. I felt like a very comfortable nanny...I knew the house and the characters in the house...the quantity...but I didn't know their ways...the quality...

As so beautifully said by Alice von Hildebrand, it is my job to create my home. No moment or talent is wasted when I am working to create a safe, loving, and hallowed space for my husband and family, however I may go about doing that.

Suffice it to say, I am so glad to be home. Even if it does mean getting this nasty cold from my sweetie...thanks, by the way...

The Healing Process

I have been here in Cincinnati for 10 days now. I returned home to care for my little brother, the poodle puppy and Johanna. Johanna doesn't need much caring for, but we have a good time together. Mom has been in the hospital with our other little brother. He needed surgery to change the shape of his skull to allow his brain more room. It has been an interesting few days.

Being home has made me nostalgic. It made me remember all of the good times with my family, my sisters, and my friends. The last few years have been an interesting roller coaster ride. I have learned to fall and to trust at the same time. I have learned to say yes to God in even the darkest of times. I never thought they could get as dark as they did. But here I am. Happier and healthier than I have been in years, knowing that I am right where God meant me to be. If even one moment had been different, I may not be where I am now.

That said, there was a lot of pain inflicted in the last few years. And not all of it was on me. Much of it was on the people and relationships around me. My sisters...my dearest friends...my roommate. Some stood by and others couldn't. Some offered a shoulder and some placed blame. I don't judge either. I am grateful to those who stood by me, but I am glad those that needed to walked away. I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I am hoping to make amends. I know I can never make things the same, but just as other seek forgiveness from me, I seek forgiveness from them.

It reminds me of the wonderful gift of Catholic confession. I am blessed to be part of such a beautiful tradition and I pray that this may be a first step to making it's spirit a part of my daily life.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Green Bay Style

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…one diamond engagement ring. On September 22nd Kevin proposed to me in the middle of our living room with the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. He asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and after asking him if he was sure, I said yes. The rest will be history. We are so blessed to have one another and be given a chance to grow and share our love with those around us.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…two orphaned kittens. Little Daisy and Gatsby came to us in August. They were the last two kittens in an abandoned litter. They are quite the creatures! Daisy likes to squirrel away anything little and shiny and Gatsby likes to play in his water dish. We are convinced they are some mystical combination of cat, dog, monkey, and weasel.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…three rooms to redecorate (and remodel).Kevin’s beautiful home will soon be our beautiful home and we are putting some well-deserved TLC into it before the wedding. Kevin has spent the last four months working on remodeling the bathroom. Our next projects include the upstairs, which will become my office and a guest room, and the basement, which will become the all-purpose guy room!

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…four shots ringing (and a big doe to show for it!) Kevin spent the week of Thanksgiving, hunting season here in Wisconsin, out in the field with his dad and a couple of friends and came back with a big, beautiful doe. It was an unseasonably warm week. In addition to the doe, I’m pretty sure we amassed about four pounds of dirt from his boots and other gear!

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…five months and counting!! The wedding date is set for April 27th, 2007 and it is arriving quickly. After a whirlwind courtship, we decided on a whirlwind engagement. Most of the planning is done. We will be sharing a small dinner and ceremony with our family and closest friends, and hosting a large picnic on Memorial Day weekend for everyone else to celebrate with us. We do not plan to honeymoon right away, but hope to whisk away to Europe or take a cruise sometime next year.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…six months of unemployment. I was laid off from my radio job in the middle of October. Since then, I have been hunting for a new job and wedding planning. I have also been doing a plethora of research in hopes of launching my freelance writing career. It has made for an interesting few months to say the least, but we are getting by and trust that God will provide.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…seven days of Christmas in Cincinnati. We spent about a week with my family in Cincinnati for the holiday. We had not seen them since the engagement and enjoyed the opportunity to relax and celebrate with them. Alida was home from Bellarmine University in Louisville and Hanna, a sophomore, still lights up a room with her laughter. Kevin and Dad had a fun night at a local German brewery while we girls stayed home, ate pizza, and laughed at the babies and the new puppy!

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…eight people for Thanksgiving. Kevin and I hosted Thanksgiving this year for his family. I took my first swing at a Thanksgiving meal and it turned out better than I expected. The turkey was beautiful, the potatoes and gravy were heavenly, and I didn’t have to make dessert. I am told I succeeded. (Not without a little case of exhaustion, but hey, all for the cause!!!)

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…nine new family members, give or take a few. With any good marriage, the extended family grows. Kevin has gained two sister-in-laws (who are thrilled about the thought), a father-in-law (who shares many similar interests), and a mother-in-law (with whatever brood of foster babies she has at any given moment). I have been blessed with a 5-year-old niece, (to whom I am a great novelty), a sister and brother-in-law (who so generously share their wood stove on cold winter’s nights), and a mother and father-in-law who have welcomed me with open arms (and adore my chocolate covered strawberries!)

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…ten trips for traveling. The sport show in Milwaukee, Jessie’s first college graduation, Alida’s high school graduation, family vacation in Minnesota, girls weekend in Chicago, Brooke’s wedding in California, Labor Day weekend in Cincinnati, Vegas/Sedona, Louisville to see Alida, and an annual Christmas trip to the Twin Cities!!!! Whew, I am tired just thinking about it!!!

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…eleven months of ministry. We launched a wonderful young adult ministry group here in Green Bay about eleven months ago and it is thriving. We gather every other week to share topics of interest, fellowship and often food. It is a wonderful small group that is working to further the Kingdom and bring us all a little closer to heaven!

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…dozens of blessings, too numerous to mention. We are so blessed to have each other, our families, our friends and all of the wonderful gifts He has given us in the past year. We hope this letter finds you happy and healthy and brings a little moment or two of joy into a hectic season, exampled by what I’m calling our “New Year’s Cards”. As a dear friend of mine says, “Bless the Mess!” May the New Year bring you great love and growth. If you have a chance, let us know how you are.

Hunting Widow

So, as of 5:30 tomorrow morning, I will officially be a hunting widow. It will be my first year and he comes home at night, but still. I have to entertain myself on a weekend day for the first time in months. Sad, I know.

Anyways, after being sick for the past two weeks, I am somewhat looking forward to having a couple of long days to relax and be creative. I think I am going to scrapbook, wedding plan, and probably sew a little bit. I'm thinking Christmas dress???

I also have to say that my kittens have been relatively good company. Daisy thinks that every little scrap needs to be hidden in the corner and that dishtowels complete her collection while Gatsby is either hearing mice or seeing spirits, but let me tell you, they are worth every minute of their nonsense!

Oh, and I've decided I need to move to San Diego. No, not because of the weather and yes, I know my fiance is here in Green Bay. However, one of my best friends in the whole wide world, they only person who truly understands the significance of the Angry Beavers and listening to Christmas music early, lives there. And I haven't seen her in years!!!!!! And she is baking Christmas goodies tonight! How sad is that??? Me, a hunting widow, missing quality Christmas time in San Diego!!! Really, there is some injustice there!!!

Anways, off I go. Chinese is on its way and I have to schedule my chick flick marathon for the weekend. Pierce Brosnan anyone????

Education...

I got a four-year-degree from a private college. To some, that makes me wealthy. To others, that makes me lucky. To yet others, it makes me and others like me, lazy and inattentive.

Guess what? I was very fortunate to be given the opportunity to achieve a four year degree. My parents did assist me with my college education. However, I worked unbelievably hard to create those opportunities. I pushed myself through high school finishing 8th in my class with 3 academic scholarships and a full year of college credits under my belt. I then proceeded to complete my 4 year college degree in 3 years, graduating Magna Cum Laude with honors, 2 majors and less than $10,000 in loans. My education is worth over $100,000. My parents paid just under $25,000 of that for which I am extremely grateful. Let's look at that.

$10,000 Loans (which I will eventually pay off myself/with my fiance)
$25,000 Parents

That leaves $65,000 worth of education that I paid for myself up front. I had saved for college since I was 8 years old. I spent the years leading up to college working toward scholarships. I worked two jobs for most of college and worked full time my entire senior year in addition to a full time class schedule and a serious relationship. I slept somewhere between 4 and 6 hours each night.

I'm not complaining. You can ask my roommate of 3 years. I loved almost every minute of it and I took great joy in what I was doing. But don't sit there and judge my education. Don't assume that I partied every weekend and dwindled my time with sororities and fraternities. Don't assume that I did the bare minimum to pass. I guarantee you, I earned my education, cost and content.

Don't diminish my education or anyone else's because you assume a rule about private colleges and their students. I am humbled by the opportunity I was given and I am aware of the reasons for the stereotype I am challenging. That said, don't judge my ability and my ethic by a stereotype. That's like measuring inches with a meter stick.

And I am sure I am not the only one.

Friends...

I've really had the opportunity in the past few weeks to reflect on the importance and value of good friends. Since being laid off, I have had a couple of tough weeks at home. It is really hard to spend the entire day reflecting on the fact that you should be working and aren't. Or the fact that you are bringing in bills that you aren't helping to pay. Not only that, but I've been sick for the last week and that doesn't help the cause.

These are times when I start questioning myself and my value. Do I have something special to offer? What did a 4-year-degree get me? I worked my tail off and racked up a pretty sum in loans for this? These are times when I wonder if I am good enough. That is a really hard reality to face.

That said, I have been affirmed in so many ways by those whom I gratefully call friends. So many of them have taken minutes out of their day to e-mail me to check on me. A couple have made an extra effort to get me out of the house for social time. Sometimes it is to run errands and sometimes for a cup of coffee. It has been an affirmation of what really matters. Jobs will come and go. People and relationships will bless you over and over again if you work at them and let them.

In moments of fear and tears and frustration I lean heavily on those wonderful people I am blessed to call friends. I am so overwhelmed by the message He keeps sending me that truly affirms that which is important in life.

Dateline...

It has been awhile since I watched any of the news expose shows. I got a little bit turned off by whichever show was doing the constant expose on child predators. I think it was almost 6 weeks in a row that they filmed men trying to meet up with kids and then having them arrested. Not only that but after doing it in 5 locations they felt the need to milk a recap episode...anyways, I happened to flip on an episode the other night while I was waiting for my sweetie to get home.

It was about two 16 year old kids who killed another 16 year old girl in a lover's quarrel. Essentially, they beat her to death (apparently not knowing they killed her) and then tried to dispose of the body. Being cold, they could not bury it, so they brought in another 16 year old to do some dispicable things to the body to essentially disguise the identity.

Anyways, the parents of the boy in the situation offered a really interesting presence to the show. Not only did they come on national television to talk about it, but they did not condone or excuse their son's behavior. When the son told his father, he reached for the phone and called the police. When Stone Phillips asked about how difficult that call was to make the father responded, "I wasn't thinking about that. It was the right thing to do."

Both parents expressed great sadness and confusion over the boy's choice, but they both said that he needed to be accountable for what he had done. He committed the crime. They don't know why, but justice needed to be done. The truth needed to be told.

I wanted to jump for joy. Not because of the terrible situation under which it occured, but because they highlighted a set of parents that wouldn't excuse their son's behavior. Sure, they didn't understand it. They could have come up with a half dozen possible excuses, as many parents do, for their son's delinquent behavior. They didn't. They held him accountable and by extension themselves. It broke my heart to watch these parents grieve their son, but it brought me great hope to hear the way they held him accountable.

That is true parenting. The father was deeply emotional as he told the host that he was 49 and would never see his son other than behind bars again. That is a true definition of tough love. A love that puts one's own needs after the needs of the one they love.

Pray for them. Pray for the son and pray for his parents. Pray that they might find healing and hope. Pray that other parents may follow in the example of their honesty and accountability, hopefully under much less horrifying circumstances.

Childhood Obesity

Have fast food and restaurant advertisements all but taken over the television commercial breaks?

I mean, maybe I am just more sensitive to it due to my unemployment. Maybe I am craving the food and so the ads attract more of my attention, but I was disgusted when I started counting how many advertisements in a break were for gross fatty foods.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my gross, fatty foods. They are a nice treat and they taste heavenly. That said, how often do you want me to eat it? Every meal? Are you kidding me?

As for childhood obesity, have we ever thought that the ads aren't actually targetting the youth, but their parents? The parents are the ones making the decisions after all. I don't remember the ads affecting me until I had buying power...when my parents had the buying power, I had no sway over the decision, so the ads just blew right by me. Maybe parents just need to get some courage and put their feet down.

When I was a little girl, we didn't have a lot of money. McDonalds was a big treat!!! It wasn't a convenience or a craving, it was a treat. We got it for completing our job charts for a month or for being fully potty trained. It ranked up there with a trip to the zoo!!!

I was watching the TODAY show this morning...I know, feel however you like about that...but they did a segment on little changes you can make to reduce the fat content in your fridge on basic things like milk, bread and juice. What fascinated me was that my mother has been doing these things for years. My mom is a registered nurse who has stayed home with my 2 sisters and me for the last 19 years or so. She has always been very conscious about nutrition and balance. Still, I was truly astonished when I realized that she had been feeding us skim milk (believe it or not, there is actually more calcium in skim milk than 1% or 2%, whole wheat bread (although if your kids are set on white bread textures, Sara Lee makes a great whole wheat with the look and texture of white), and 100% juice for years and that this is new to so many people.

Get this, use plain yogurt and add fresh fruit instead of getting the stuff with fruit. Not only is it cheaper, but the sugar content is soooo much lower.

Come on parents, take responsibility. It is not the fast food companies, schools or ad agencies contributing to your child's weight. We are a capitalist society, they are trying to make money. You are the only one responsible for setting good nutrition habits in your household. Teach your children and yourself about healthy, tasty and satisfying food combinations. Get yourself and your kids off the couch and get outside. Stay active. Not busy, but active. Re-establish the idea of "treat". Expand the category. Treats are to celebrate or reward, not simply to indulge.

That said, I am really craving Taco Bell...and Arbys...

So long...

...since I posted.

The last week has been interesting. I have a lot to talk about now though.

I was laid off last Tuesday. After 17 months of exemplary service for a mismanaged company they laid me off. Lovely, I know. As one attorney I talked to said, "As far as I am aware, we haven't outlawed stupidity." Basically.

So, I am taking this time to re-evaluate my direction in life. After being in a job where I never had the opportunity to do what I was originally hired to do, I am wary of the job market. In the initial stages of the layoff I talked with my dad and he basically reminded me that there were three key pieces to my employment anywhere and that in the end, 2 of the 3 had been violated.

#1 Follow you passion. (What I was hired to do could have been my passion, but I wasn't given the opportunity to do it and I settled for something much less...)

#2 Never compromise your ethics. Integrity is who you are when nobody is looking. (This one is the one I suceeded in.)

#3 Never work for someone you don't respect. (I had long had concerns about the management and practices of my former company.)

All of that said, it still hurts. I am an "all or nothing" kind of girl. I believe in work as a vocation, not simply a job or a career. I gave a lot of my heart to the job I did. I gave a lot of attention and talent to the positions I held. And not only was I laid off for it, but I was betrayed by the people who led my team.

That said, I refuse to take up a jaded view of my next position. I will go in with all of my heart and give them everything I have to give. I don't live to work, I work to live, but Catholic teaching is clear about the subjective nature of work. It doesn't say treat others the way they treat you. It doesn't say take what you can and run. It says to treat others as you would like to be treated. Sure, ideally, the subjectivity of work is intended to be a developing relationship which is a joint effort between employer and employee. Many employers don't live up to these intentions, but that shouldn't discourage me from trying to live up to them.

I REFUSE to let one mismanaged, misguided, company destroy my view or ascription to Catholic Social Teaching. Catholic Social Teaching is the practical applications of Catholic scripture and doctrine. It may be hard to come by, and my hopeful belief in it may be seen by some as naive and impractical. I believe the phrase "golden girl" has been thrown in my direction a time or two. I don't care. I will always believe that it can exist. I will always hold it up as the only standard I strive towards. Anything less is an insult to the dignity of the human person and the body that is the Church.

Moreover, my last job taught me many things, but more importantly, it brought me many wonderful relationships. I am so glad that I never let an opportunity pass to share fellowship with a co-worker. I walked away with my head held high and several invaluable relationships. The girl in the picture is one of my greatest blessings from my time at the company. She is a talented woman and strong witness to the power of faith. (And she makes me laugh...a lot!)

Sure, I am scared. I feel somewhat helpless. The bills have to be paid. The cats have to be fed. That said, God will provide. He always has. I am so much better for what He has given me in the past 17 months than I ever could have dreamed. No company will ever change that.

Not to mention that if I hadn't taken my former position, I wouldn't have met my fiance...take that former company.

Let it SNOW???!!!

We might actually get measurable snow fall tomorrow night!!!

Does it count? It is not actually winter and it probably won't stay. Does it count as the first snow? There are great benefits to the first snow. For example, I get to use my snowman spoons on the first snow. So I really need your thoughts!!!

Let me also say that I am a huge fan of snow, but I don't like the cold. I am perpetually cold. Part of that is simply that I am a woman. Now, don't go getting all freaked out on me. Women's bodies simply work different than men's. Women's bodies send most of the blood to the core of the body where all of the reproductive organs are and presumably, at some point, a baby. That means there is less blood to the appendages such as hands and feet.

That said, I think I am still just naturally cold. Admission: I have to wear leggings or long underwear under most items during the winter. Layers are my only salvation. And I keep a blanket near my desk year round.

That said, the first snow is something mystical. I used to think the correct word was magical, but it isn't. Mystical means "real" and it is often on the first snow of the season that life feels the most real. It is the most powerful, the most whimsical, the most real. It seems as though the first snow sweeps through your body, mind and soul and cleans it out. Snow makes me feel much the same way I feel after I go to confession: clean, refreshed, and content with simply taking my next step.

I think the first snow also brings you home. I don't know too many people who don't experience the first snowfall and not say something to the affect of, "I wish I were at home, curled up in a blanket with a good book (movie, cup of coffee, etc.)." There is something warm and welcoming about the ice cold delicacies we call snowflakes.

Whether you agree or not, let this be an opportunity for us to step back, take a deep breath, clean up, and head back home. There is a warm blanket waiting...

In the meantime, I'll see if I can track down a picture of my snowman spoons.

Soap Box...

Have you ever wondered where the phrase "soap box" came frome? I have and today I did the research...I like research. I know, I'm strange.

Apparently it comes from a time in history (traditionally British) where orators or public speakers would give impromptu speeches standing on soap boxes. They were wooden crates filled with bars of soap.

So, let me get on mine (well, since I have several, let me get on one of mine).

Okay, so I walked away for a few hours to do some work-related tasks and now I can't remember what I was all fired up about. Guess it couldn't have been that important, hmmm??

Fitfull Sleep

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-sleep9oct09,0,3650596.story?coll=la-home-health

Wow...sleeping was interesting last night. I spent the first half of the night trying to plan my wedding in my sleep. Well, seeing as it was sleep and dreaming, it was rather unproductive and I woke halfway through the night to frustration.

What is this? Is this a symptom of our crazed society? Is this my body and mind telling me that I don't have enough time during the day that I need to seek more time in my sleep? Well, I won't give in to that.

The above article highlights only a few of the necessary benefits of a full night's sleep. Here are a couple more interesting facts.

- Women who get enough sleep in complete darkness have more predictable menstrual patterns. In fact, with enough dark sleep, many women's cycles will pattern themselves with the lunar pattern.

- Studies have shown that today's individual gets significantly less sleep than those individuals 100 years ago, but there is no evidence that shows we need less.

God gaves us bodies that require rest and require it at pretty regular intervals. Now, he also gave us the ability to chose our sleep patterns and adjust when necessary. Just because we have the opportunity to choose, doesn't mean that it is good for us to choose less.

If you have a hard time sleeping, try a few of these tips.

- Pick a regular bedtime and stick to it even if you aren't tired.

- Create a bedtime routine or activity for yourself. After a period of adjustment this will trigger your mind to the idea of sleep. Consider a cup of tea, a chapter of a book, or a decade of the Rosary.

- When you find yourself tossing and turning, don't. Sit up, take a few deep breaths, stretch your muscles and lay back down. If you are still restless, get up and sit at the kitchen table with a cup of tea until you find yourself relaxed again. Tossing and turning tends to add to frustration and sleeplessness.

- Keep a notepad by the bed. Often times our anxieties come from a fear of forgetting something. Wake up, write it down and release your mind back to sleep.

I'm not going to tell you how much sleep your body needs. Only you can know that. Mine has two sleep levels: 5 hours and 8+ hours. Anything less than 5, or more than 5 or less than 8, makes me tired. You'll have to discover that level for yourself. Then try to stick with that length of sleep as much as possible. You'll be much happier for it.

All this talk of sleep has actually woken me up! Consider these suggestions for combating the tyranny that has become our days (and nights...).

"Rent" and other assorted thoughts...

So, I spent the weekend with my 19-year-old sister.

Different...I am definitely glad I am no longer a college student.

That said, we had a GREAT time!!! We drank a ton of coffee and talked about all the things that sisters talk about. My wedding, our beaus, our family, love, loss and everything in between. We went to an interpretive dance recital and the musical "Rent". Which brings me to my first point...

Seriously, have you seen "Rent"? I can't understand how people can walk out of "Rent" and be so psyched out. Sure, great music, great talent, but did you understand the premise? Did you understand the message? If they did it would seem a much more sobering experience. Alida and I got back to the dorm, rescued my blistered feet, cracked open a couple of cream sodas and tried to combat the onset of extreme depression. This is exactly how apathy begins. It is the perfect example of the shallowness of our culture. They hear the music and the voices. They experience the excitement of the Broadway experience. It becomes about the presentation and not the message. People are dying...of AIDS...and it is not just hypothetical. This is real! This is an opportunity for us to reflect on the plight of millions around the world and all we can do is walk around singing "Seasons of Love"??? I mean, if that were the catalyst to a conversation about AIDS and finding a cure and a solution, great, but I believe that constitutes a minimal percentage.

So, Alida and I were depressed. Seriously. We both attacked the phone as soon as we could to reconnect with the loves of our lives. There was a need for a sense of security and "right"ness. A safe place to work through the thoughts coursing through our brains.

I must say the show was good art. Good art makes you think. Good art makes you wonder, question, and feel out of place.

The issue at hand is not letting the execution of the art overshadow the message. It is also about educating the viewer to embrace and engage the art.

What else can I say?

Truth Sleep...

So I have discovered something interesting about my sleeping moments. Well, actually, I should say my fiance has discovered some interesting things about my sleeping times.

I talk in my sleep.

Not unusual, true, but the things that are said are what are interesting.

It seems I am at my most honest and my most clear when I am sleeping. One afternoon I was quoted to have said, "We need to start keeping receipts," in relation to our wedding budget. Yesterday I remember saying, "Just relax, if you relax you'll be able to sleep better."

This is an interesting experience. Not only am I at my most honest, but I am also at my most vulnerable. I am so grateful to have a very open and honest relationship with just about everyone in my life because if I didn't, who knows what trauma could be caused by my sleep comas.

I believe this is what people mean by living a life of integrity. Now, I am not saying that I always operate with the most integrity, but it is about who you are when nobody is looking. That way, when people do look, especially in your most vulnerable of moments, they see the true, the good and the honest which isn't any different than the way you operate on a daily basis.

So, I am not afraid of what I am going to say when I sleep. Certainly, there are some funny moments...some embarrassing moments...and some sad moments, but there are no painful or hurtful moments. That gives me great hope for my eternal soul and for my example in the world.

That said, it is journey and we must perservere to maintain this level of integrity. We must work at it. We must take part in the graces of the Eurcharist and the sacrament of reconcilliation. We must keep ourselves in the state of grace, for ourselves and for those who walk with us and around us.

Funny though how it took a moment of vulnerability and another person entering into that vulnerability for me to recognize and process this experience of integrity. Speaks a bit to the concept of community and our beautiful communion of saints.

So much theology in one sleep cycle...I think I need a nap...