"If you'd stop using your private parts as toys, you'd be a grandfather by now!" Quote about fellow driver's immaturity from truckdriver on Ice Road Truckers.
I am so tired of reading about the fight between "abstinence only" and "comprehensive sex education". I really am and here is why.
I was raised by a nurse.
It is as simple as that. From a very young age (when she was expecting my sister when I was about 3 1/2) I learned about sex. Certainly, the terms changed. I specifically recall, "special hug" being a phrase used for my growing toddler mind. But my parents never shied away from teaching us about sex and our bodies.
When I got to pre-adolescence, my mother bought me a book about my body during puberty and opened up the dialogue. I read about things like masturbation and contraception (natural and artificial) and I asked questions. She answered them. Dad answered them (sometimes with discomfort, but never a refusal). Mom taught in my health classes at the Catholic school. I distinctly remember a hands on tampon demonstration with a glass of water that was a huge hit for the gathered group of young women. At 13, I knew more about sex and my body than most 65 year old women.
But my mother also taught me respect. She taught me that my body, like hers and my dad's, was special and unique. She taught me that I need to learn my body and trust it above all. She taught me that someday I could carry a child. She taught me an undying respect for the procreation process and for the man that was going to walk that journey with me; my husband.
The reality is that there is no avoidance of knowledge in this day and age. So how to we manage their acquisition of knowledge? How do we want them to learn about sex and all that goes with it? They are going to learn it, but do we want them to learn it with an attitude of respect and awe, or from an attitude of flippance and disregard. If we don't teach them about condoms, they are still going to know they exist. But do we want them to view condoms as candy: quick, convenient, and with little consequence, or do we want them to view condoms as expensive champagne: available, but much too costly in multiple respects??? (I don't want any grief over comparing condoms to expensive champagne...I am not making a complete analogy here, just partial...I am not implying that condoms should be considered a luxury for special occassions...so don't be so silly as to suggest it.)
There is a physiological science as well as a material science involved in sex education. Sex during fertile days without natural (abstinence) or artificial contraception makes babies. To deny that is to show a certain level of ignorance. My point is, the knowledge is available, but should the debate hinge on the level or amount of scientific and material sex knowledge a program provides, or how the act of sex itself affects the person and interpersonal relationships?
First teach them the respect, then give them the knowledge, then give them some credit.
I am sure that most will find it interesting that my parents chose to use birth control. I did not know this until I had to wrangle with the idea of birth control to manage a health condition at the age of 18. Even as an adult, we had conversations around the issue. She supported me when I reluctantly (on moral grounds) chose to begin taking "The Pill" and she supported me when I triumphantly chose to quit "The Pill" because of the way it was affecting the natural rhythms, physcial and emotional, of my body.
If I hadn't been taught about all of my options I might have felt trapped, confused, and alone when faced with such difficult medical decisions. Instead, I made two opposite choices that I have never regretted and in fact, I have felt empowered by. Moreover, I was a virgin on my wedding night even though I had learned about artificial contraception and sex. And if that isn't enough, I can now personally testify to my husband,that NFP is the ONLY way to go for us because I refuse to be controlled by a substance that also impedes my ability to accept the gift of children God wants to bestow on me.
And I don't want to hear, "...you're different..." or "...you're special..." or "...you're an exception...". The only reason I am different, special, or an exception is because somebody taught me to be.
I don't want to teach my kids to simply avoid sex or use a condom. I want to teach them to be different and special by respecting themselves, a future spouse, and the amazing emotional and physical union that is sex.
10 June, 2008
22 May, 2008
My TODAY Show Obsession...
I blame my mother.
In my case, there aren't very many things I'd use the words "blame" and "mother" for in the same sentence, but I think even she would have to accept fault for this one.
I am a TODAY Show junky!!!
That's right! I'll admit it. A morning is not complete without a hour or so of the TODAY Show.
I wake each morning at approximately 6:30.
Out of bed at 6:45 to make Kevin his instant oatmeal and lunch and pour his coffee. I typically toss a Toaster Strudel or a bagel in the toaster and reach for my share of the coffee (nowadays I reach for luxury of the top-shelf orange juice bottle...) I pad my way from the kitchen to our living room couch and coffee table. I dig, sometimes frantically, for the missing remote, longing for the familiar warm buzz of the TV warming up. As I flip closer to my favorite channel, I catch fragments of other news shows and balk at their punny, childish attempts to sway my loyalty with witty "millenial" batter and snazzy graphics. I land on NBC26 and settle comfortably into the first 15 minutes of news and updates while munching away at my solid sustinance. By the time the vitals are over, I cast aside my slippers, tuck my feet up underneath me, pull the fleece blanket across my lap, and begin the beverage portion of my flight service. For the next 45 minutes I move in and out of current events, entertainment, health updates, stock reports, and political exposes with my favorite morning people Matt, Meredith, Ann and Al. By 8:00 I am prepared to truly begin my day.
And the only person I can imagine blaming for this is my mother. She branded me with countless mornings of Katie, Bryant, Matt, Al, and Ann all depending upon the year. I don't remember a single morning that started with *gasp* Good Morning America *gulp*.
Now, I know how product marketing works. If your mother used Tide regularly, you are likely to do the same. If your father used Dial soap, you are likely to buy it for your husband. Do networks realize how this works to their advantage??? Did I actually fall for a generational marketing scheme??? I mean, seriously. I am the same with my news. Doesn't matter the market, NBC always seems to have the best news for me.
Either way, I am hooked. Way to go NBC. Here is your props. Take it and run because I am a fickle friend and the whole political campaign coverage issue is biting at my ankles...
In my case, there aren't very many things I'd use the words "blame" and "mother" for in the same sentence, but I think even she would have to accept fault for this one.
I am a TODAY Show junky!!!
That's right! I'll admit it. A morning is not complete without a hour or so of the TODAY Show.
I wake each morning at approximately 6:30.
Out of bed at 6:45 to make Kevin his instant oatmeal and lunch and pour his coffee. I typically toss a Toaster Strudel or a bagel in the toaster and reach for my share of the coffee (nowadays I reach for luxury of the top-shelf orange juice bottle...) I pad my way from the kitchen to our living room couch and coffee table. I dig, sometimes frantically, for the missing remote, longing for the familiar warm buzz of the TV warming up. As I flip closer to my favorite channel, I catch fragments of other news shows and balk at their punny, childish attempts to sway my loyalty with witty "millenial" batter and snazzy graphics. I land on NBC26 and settle comfortably into the first 15 minutes of news and updates while munching away at my solid sustinance. By the time the vitals are over, I cast aside my slippers, tuck my feet up underneath me, pull the fleece blanket across my lap, and begin the beverage portion of my flight service. For the next 45 minutes I move in and out of current events, entertainment, health updates, stock reports, and political exposes with my favorite morning people Matt, Meredith, Ann and Al. By 8:00 I am prepared to truly begin my day.
And the only person I can imagine blaming for this is my mother. She branded me with countless mornings of Katie, Bryant, Matt, Al, and Ann all depending upon the year. I don't remember a single morning that started with *gasp* Good Morning America *gulp*.
Now, I know how product marketing works. If your mother used Tide regularly, you are likely to do the same. If your father used Dial soap, you are likely to buy it for your husband. Do networks realize how this works to their advantage??? Did I actually fall for a generational marketing scheme??? I mean, seriously. I am the same with my news. Doesn't matter the market, NBC always seems to have the best news for me.
Either way, I am hooked. Way to go NBC. Here is your props. Take it and run because I am a fickle friend and the whole political campaign coverage issue is biting at my ankles...
Maternity Leave - Expansion
Sorry for the delay..."tonight" apparently meant something else to my brain.
Kevin and I have had several conversations about maternity leave since my last post. We've concluded 2 things.
#1: Men and women are both equally deserving of paid parental leave in order to best fulfill their callings as father and mother.
#2: I can only talk about my frustration for so long before I need to do something or become like every other whiny American.
In regards to the second point, I've made the first step beyond talking. I mentioned my concern to my boss, the pastor of our parish. I don't think he was really even aware of the situation or even the possible need. I simply expressed a concern that our maternity policy practice does not align congruently with our moral and doctrinal stand on family life. I acknowledged that I certainly have leave, and am grateful for it, but that I have additional concerns for and beyond my own personal situation.
I also mentioned that although the pattern of employment on our parish staff is that of older women beyond their maternity years, both myself and the newest addition to our staff are and very easily could be eligible for this type of benefit over the course of the next few years. This needs to be considered as more than a current employee issue, but also as an issue of attracting more young and fresh blood to this career that is Catholic ministry. It is hard for any young person to consider working for the church when they consider the hours, the minimal pay, and the expensive benefits. A benefit like this paired with the job-flexibility that many parish jobs provide might just be enough to sway some otherwise elusive candidates.
I don't anticipate any significant movement on my concern before our baby arrives. That being said, it sounds like the issue may come to light at our next human resources committee meeting. I can only hope that this is the first step in a powerful witness to putting our collective Catholic money where our large Catholic mouth is. I'll keep you updated.
On a more inspirational note, I came across this beautiful quote the other day that brought further meaning to my cause, but more importantly my vocation.
"A mother is the most important person on earth. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any Cathedral -- a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body."
-- Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty
As for the continued conversation on feminism, there is a great article about the phenomenon of feminism in the Catholic realm called "Is it Time to Dump Feminism?" here: http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3324&Itemid=121&ed=3
Kevin and I have had several conversations about maternity leave since my last post. We've concluded 2 things.
#1: Men and women are both equally deserving of paid parental leave in order to best fulfill their callings as father and mother.
#2: I can only talk about my frustration for so long before I need to do something or become like every other whiny American.
In regards to the second point, I've made the first step beyond talking. I mentioned my concern to my boss, the pastor of our parish. I don't think he was really even aware of the situation or even the possible need. I simply expressed a concern that our maternity policy practice does not align congruently with our moral and doctrinal stand on family life. I acknowledged that I certainly have leave, and am grateful for it, but that I have additional concerns for and beyond my own personal situation.
I also mentioned that although the pattern of employment on our parish staff is that of older women beyond their maternity years, both myself and the newest addition to our staff are and very easily could be eligible for this type of benefit over the course of the next few years. This needs to be considered as more than a current employee issue, but also as an issue of attracting more young and fresh blood to this career that is Catholic ministry. It is hard for any young person to consider working for the church when they consider the hours, the minimal pay, and the expensive benefits. A benefit like this paired with the job-flexibility that many parish jobs provide might just be enough to sway some otherwise elusive candidates.
I don't anticipate any significant movement on my concern before our baby arrives. That being said, it sounds like the issue may come to light at our next human resources committee meeting. I can only hope that this is the first step in a powerful witness to putting our collective Catholic money where our large Catholic mouth is. I'll keep you updated.
On a more inspirational note, I came across this beautiful quote the other day that brought further meaning to my cause, but more importantly my vocation.
"A mother is the most important person on earth. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any Cathedral -- a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body."
-- Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty
As for the continued conversation on feminism, there is a great article about the phenomenon of feminism in the Catholic realm called "Is it Time to Dump Feminism?" here: http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3324&Itemid=121&ed=3
15 May, 2008
Maternity Leave - Talkback
I typically post my reflections both here and on my facebook page and these are some of the comments I have collected through that page. They provide some interesting reading. A follow-up/expansion is in the works for this evening...stay tuned.
That's absolutely MAD! Across the board women in Ireland get 26 weeks statutory paid maternity leave... and get this... Northern Irish women get 39 weeks statutory paid! The organisation subsidises our entitlement so women in Ireland can get the same as Northern Ireland. Can't believe you have to make that choice!
You should send this to the Bishop or The Compass. We ran into this same problem when Joseph was considering working for Church and we looked at the insurance plan (in GB) and found that is was crap and would run a family into the ground. I do think, however, some Churches do give some paid leave--it is just not required by the diocese. It is so important for our Church to have leaders who show good example to the masses. When you create an enviorment where the only people who can work for the Church must be those who are not the family breadwinner, but those bringing in a supplemental income, you disqualify so many gifted people who may be called to lead the faithfull:( I remember when I was in my first year of working for the Church, with a masters degree mind you, and Joseph and I were dating--he had to pay my rent some months because I was not making it. If we believe motherhood is the spiritual gift of the woman, we must start acting like it!!
the sad truth is that on issues of just wage and fair treatment of employees the Churches stance is basically, "Do as I say, not as I do." It sucks, but there you have it.
My response to the previous comment:
And that's okay with us? I guess my point is, we, parishioners, are the church. We as members of the Body and members of our parish committees, staffs, and ministries have the power to raise the questions and the issues. Not only that, but we as members of the parish have the ability to contribute in idea and finance to causes we feel are important by way of our contributions both monetary and intellectual. In fact, in our parish it would be a great question of stewardship. To a certain extent if we don't voice a dissatisfaction with the lack of hierarchical congruency between word and deed, why should we expect anything to change?
That's absolutely MAD! Across the board women in Ireland get 26 weeks statutory paid maternity leave... and get this... Northern Irish women get 39 weeks statutory paid! The organisation subsidises our entitlement so women in Ireland can get the same as Northern Ireland. Can't believe you have to make that choice!
You should send this to the Bishop or The Compass. We ran into this same problem when Joseph was considering working for Church and we looked at the insurance plan (in GB) and found that is was crap and would run a family into the ground. I do think, however, some Churches do give some paid leave--it is just not required by the diocese. It is so important for our Church to have leaders who show good example to the masses. When you create an enviorment where the only people who can work for the Church must be those who are not the family breadwinner, but those bringing in a supplemental income, you disqualify so many gifted people who may be called to lead the faithfull:( I remember when I was in my first year of working for the Church, with a masters degree mind you, and Joseph and I were dating--he had to pay my rent some months because I was not making it. If we believe motherhood is the spiritual gift of the woman, we must start acting like it!!
the sad truth is that on issues of just wage and fair treatment of employees the Churches stance is basically, "Do as I say, not as I do." It sucks, but there you have it.
My response to the previous comment:
And that's okay with us? I guess my point is, we, parishioners, are the church. We as members of the Body and members of our parish committees, staffs, and ministries have the power to raise the questions and the issues. Not only that, but we as members of the parish have the ability to contribute in idea and finance to causes we feel are important by way of our contributions both monetary and intellectual. In fact, in our parish it would be a great question of stewardship. To a certain extent if we don't voice a dissatisfaction with the lack of hierarchical congruency between word and deed, why should we expect anything to change?
04 May, 2008
Unpaid Maternity Leave...To Work or To Work?
So, I have a bit of a soapbox...it is one that has been rolling around in my head for weeks now.
Kevin and I are expecting our first baby in November...and I have NO paid maternity leave. Given, I am entitled to up to 12 weeks of Family/Medical Leave, but need I remind anyone that it is UNPAID??? Now, my salary is far from bread-winning, but it is certainly a supplement. Yes, I have 3 1/2 combined weeks of vacation and sick days, but that is only if I don't take any between now and then...
Need I mention that I work for the Catholic Church? The Catholic Church is by most standards the organization at the very top of the moral high ground when it comes to fertility and family life. It is an organization whose values, to even the least educated, include no artificial birth control and marriage vows that include a commitment to "willing accept children and raise them in the faith."
"The family is the cornerstone of the Church," the documents read.
And, "parents are the primary educators of their children."
And yet as an organization we have no PAID maternity leave?
If the the Catholic Church as an organization does not support paid maternity/paternity leave how are we to expect any secular organization or government to do so?
Some of you may be saying, "Wait, several European countries have paid maternity leave and even special incentives for bearing children." Let's be clear. This has nothing to do with the church and everything to do with their plummeting birth rates. True, the US and Australia are the only two developed nations in the WORLD that don't have some form of a paid maternity leave. However, it is also no coincidence that we haven't seen significant decreases in our birth rate. Don't worry, we will. And as soon as we do the government will decide what a fabulous idea maternity leave and child-bearing incentives are. We're so progressive...
Companies that have independently planned and funded maternity leave for their employees have seen great responses. They see more men and women returning following their periods of leave which means less turnover. They've also seen an increase in women in their higher level positions because women stay...what a concept!!!
I have to wonder though...did we women bring this upon ourselves? I think our lack of maternity leave and to be quite honest, the lack of effort toward it, was carved into stone during the feminist movement of the former generations. For years we women tried to tell society that we were equals and that there was no difference between men and ourselves.
In my opinionated reality, we don't want to be equals. All we wanted was a fair chance at voting, jobs, wages, benefits, and opportuties to advance. That does not equate to equal. It equates to fair chances for inherent dignity and a job well done by woman or man, black or white, Muslim or Christian.
But really, whatever happened to, "I am woman, hear me roar"? I am woman. I am beautiful. I have curves that no man could ever bear presence to. I have a thought process that few men or computer can master let alone understand. I can carry a life within my womb for 9 months and then give birth by shear will and strength. No man can ever do that.
Why would I want to be considered his equal? Why wouldn't I want the special treatment that is due to me after pushing something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon? Why wouldn't I want 3 months of nourishing my child and bonding with it to be considered "my job" and be paid accordingly? Ladies, in some ways we are simply superior and deserve to be treated as more than an equal. And this is one of them.
I am not equal. I am different. I will work hard to earn my keep, but I believe that my work, especially for the Church, is not simply what I do from 9-5, and should be compensated as such when I am a part of an organizaton that values my contributions both as employee and (at least according to their documents) as a mother.
I'm not the only one with eyes on this issue...here's the blog post from BBC News that inspired me to actually move from thinking to writing on this topic...http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/nickbryant/2008/05/baby_bonus_blues.html
And ladies, you may not have a "bun in the oven" yet, but I guarantee you that when your time comes you will be wondering many of the same things.
So let's step up. Let's ask our government and our companies to dance. Let's claim our femininity and its rights. These curves can take whatever you throw at them.
Kevin and I are expecting our first baby in November...and I have NO paid maternity leave. Given, I am entitled to up to 12 weeks of Family/Medical Leave, but need I remind anyone that it is UNPAID??? Now, my salary is far from bread-winning, but it is certainly a supplement. Yes, I have 3 1/2 combined weeks of vacation and sick days, but that is only if I don't take any between now and then...
Need I mention that I work for the Catholic Church? The Catholic Church is by most standards the organization at the very top of the moral high ground when it comes to fertility and family life. It is an organization whose values, to even the least educated, include no artificial birth control and marriage vows that include a commitment to "willing accept children and raise them in the faith."
"The family is the cornerstone of the Church," the documents read.
And, "parents are the primary educators of their children."
And yet as an organization we have no PAID maternity leave?
If the the Catholic Church as an organization does not support paid maternity/paternity leave how are we to expect any secular organization or government to do so?
Some of you may be saying, "Wait, several European countries have paid maternity leave and even special incentives for bearing children." Let's be clear. This has nothing to do with the church and everything to do with their plummeting birth rates. True, the US and Australia are the only two developed nations in the WORLD that don't have some form of a paid maternity leave. However, it is also no coincidence that we haven't seen significant decreases in our birth rate. Don't worry, we will. And as soon as we do the government will decide what a fabulous idea maternity leave and child-bearing incentives are. We're so progressive...
Companies that have independently planned and funded maternity leave for their employees have seen great responses. They see more men and women returning following their periods of leave which means less turnover. They've also seen an increase in women in their higher level positions because women stay...what a concept!!!
I have to wonder though...did we women bring this upon ourselves? I think our lack of maternity leave and to be quite honest, the lack of effort toward it, was carved into stone during the feminist movement of the former generations. For years we women tried to tell society that we were equals and that there was no difference between men and ourselves.
In my opinionated reality, we don't want to be equals. All we wanted was a fair chance at voting, jobs, wages, benefits, and opportuties to advance. That does not equate to equal. It equates to fair chances for inherent dignity and a job well done by woman or man, black or white, Muslim or Christian.
But really, whatever happened to, "I am woman, hear me roar"? I am woman. I am beautiful. I have curves that no man could ever bear presence to. I have a thought process that few men or computer can master let alone understand. I can carry a life within my womb for 9 months and then give birth by shear will and strength. No man can ever do that.
Why would I want to be considered his equal? Why wouldn't I want the special treatment that is due to me after pushing something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon? Why wouldn't I want 3 months of nourishing my child and bonding with it to be considered "my job" and be paid accordingly? Ladies, in some ways we are simply superior and deserve to be treated as more than an equal. And this is one of them.
I am not equal. I am different. I will work hard to earn my keep, but I believe that my work, especially for the Church, is not simply what I do from 9-5, and should be compensated as such when I am a part of an organizaton that values my contributions both as employee and (at least according to their documents) as a mother.
I'm not the only one with eyes on this issue...here's the blog post from BBC News that inspired me to actually move from thinking to writing on this topic...http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/nickbryant/2008/05/baby_bonus_blues.html
And ladies, you may not have a "bun in the oven" yet, but I guarantee you that when your time comes you will be wondering many of the same things.
So let's step up. Let's ask our government and our companies to dance. Let's claim our femininity and its rights. These curves can take whatever you throw at them.
11 Words of Vocation
Our vocation is “to respond fully to the spiritual fullness in our immediate situation.”
These words were shared with Kevin and I at a recent business dinner. Our pastor stopped in the middle of dinner, quoted these words, and asked for our thoughts.
These 11 words could merit an entire dissertation.
And yet, somehow, it spoke to the very thing Kevin and I have been struggling with. Both of us have a tendency to get caught up in the "what ifs". We also get caught up in what we need to do next.
Can you imagine what it would truly mean to "respond fully to the spiritual fullness in our immediate situation"??? Let's just evaluate a few pieces...
"Respond fully..." That means that we turn our complete attention to the moment or issue at hand. There is not room for a half-hearted effort. We cannot be distracted by our other issues.
"Spiritual fullness..." We must be aware of and respond to God in each situation. This means forming a discerning conscience and spirituality that is prepared to identify the spiritual fullness of a given moment or situation. Spiritual fullness is also not a quantitative statement...meaning that spiritual fullness may be obvious or it may require additional prayer and discernment.
"Immediate situation..." Doesn't this mean completely re-ordering our lives in order to respond to the immediate situation? I believe it would mean a severe simplification and discipline of living in order to have the emotional and mental wherewithall and presence of mind to respond to the immediate situation. You don't get to "think about it" or "take a minute". You must clarify your life and your priorities ahead of time and then trust the movement of the Holy Spirit.
How prepared are we to live this definition of vocation?? I am pretty sure I am not as much as I might like to be. It certainly seems like the way I want to live. It sures seems a lot simpler and less manic than our current pace of life in the long run. I suppose the question now is, how do I get there???
The only answers I can come up with are prayer, trust, and the very grace of God. Probably in the reverse order...
These words were shared with Kevin and I at a recent business dinner. Our pastor stopped in the middle of dinner, quoted these words, and asked for our thoughts.
These 11 words could merit an entire dissertation.
And yet, somehow, it spoke to the very thing Kevin and I have been struggling with. Both of us have a tendency to get caught up in the "what ifs". We also get caught up in what we need to do next.
Can you imagine what it would truly mean to "respond fully to the spiritual fullness in our immediate situation"??? Let's just evaluate a few pieces...
"Respond fully..." That means that we turn our complete attention to the moment or issue at hand. There is not room for a half-hearted effort. We cannot be distracted by our other issues.
"Spiritual fullness..." We must be aware of and respond to God in each situation. This means forming a discerning conscience and spirituality that is prepared to identify the spiritual fullness of a given moment or situation. Spiritual fullness is also not a quantitative statement...meaning that spiritual fullness may be obvious or it may require additional prayer and discernment.
"Immediate situation..." Doesn't this mean completely re-ordering our lives in order to respond to the immediate situation? I believe it would mean a severe simplification and discipline of living in order to have the emotional and mental wherewithall and presence of mind to respond to the immediate situation. You don't get to "think about it" or "take a minute". You must clarify your life and your priorities ahead of time and then trust the movement of the Holy Spirit.
How prepared are we to live this definition of vocation?? I am pretty sure I am not as much as I might like to be. It certainly seems like the way I want to live. It sures seems a lot simpler and less manic than our current pace of life in the long run. I suppose the question now is, how do I get there???
The only answers I can come up with are prayer, trust, and the very grace of God. Probably in the reverse order...
Long Time...No Blog...
I guess I've just been busy...March and April virtually disappeared in all of the planning and execution of our parish's Stewardship Month.
But...I'm back now! With a vengence! And a baby-on-board!
So that is the topic of this first long-anticipated diatribe...our baby!!!
Before anyone asks, natural family planning (NFP) worked just perfectly. We used the standard days method for the first 9 months of our marriage and decided this spring that we were ready to welcome a baby into our marriage. And if you know anything about NFP, once you've determined your fertile days it is pretty straightforward when you start trying to conceive...as long as everything is healthy. Many health professionals are now recommending NFP methods as methods of conception not just prevention.
So no, NFP worked great! We still swear by it and I have every intention of going back to it after this baby.
That little soapbox aside, the next question is, how do we feel about being parents?
We are thrilled! We feel so blessed. I think we were both surprised at how easy it was with all of the stories of infertility floating around us. We can't wait to welcome our new little life.
We are anxious...what is it going to feel like? Why did that happen? Is the baby healthy? All sorts of questions are swirling around us and causing constant thoughts and conversations.
We are thoughtful. What does this mean for our marriage? How will it change our relationship? Did we make the best of our time as a couple? What kind of marriage do we want to have after the baby comes? We love each other and want the best for our family and our marriage.
I am sick. There are days when I wonder if I will ever want to have another baby. I feel like I am in an alien body. There is no rhyme to my rhythms. There is no way to prevent my all-day sickness. There is no way to anticipate my teary responses to the slightest comment. I have sore hips and I am constantly using the restroom. AND I'M NOT EVEN SHOWING YET!!! I am beside myself just wanting to get back to some semblence of normal. And then I realize that my estimation of normal is never going to measure up again...cue teary response.
And yet, we are grateful. More than anything we are SO grateful. God has given us an amazing gift to care for. He has given us the great joy of loving and guarding this child of His on this earth for however long He intends. He has given me the strength and the breath to nurture this child for the past 11 weeks. He gives us each beat of our baby's heart which is strong and beautiful. God gives us our wonderful family who is showering us with love, support and affection.
And our heavenly Father has given us each other. Kevin is a gift for which I cannot even find the words. Our marriage is a foundation that will sustain us through anything. My vocation is first as humble daughter of the Most High, second as loving wife to my husband, and third as dedicated mother of the child in my womb.
But...I'm back now! With a vengence! And a baby-on-board!
So that is the topic of this first long-anticipated diatribe...our baby!!!
Before anyone asks, natural family planning (NFP) worked just perfectly. We used the standard days method for the first 9 months of our marriage and decided this spring that we were ready to welcome a baby into our marriage. And if you know anything about NFP, once you've determined your fertile days it is pretty straightforward when you start trying to conceive...as long as everything is healthy. Many health professionals are now recommending NFP methods as methods of conception not just prevention.
So no, NFP worked great! We still swear by it and I have every intention of going back to it after this baby.
That little soapbox aside, the next question is, how do we feel about being parents?
We are thrilled! We feel so blessed. I think we were both surprised at how easy it was with all of the stories of infertility floating around us. We can't wait to welcome our new little life.
We are anxious...what is it going to feel like? Why did that happen? Is the baby healthy? All sorts of questions are swirling around us and causing constant thoughts and conversations.
We are thoughtful. What does this mean for our marriage? How will it change our relationship? Did we make the best of our time as a couple? What kind of marriage do we want to have after the baby comes? We love each other and want the best for our family and our marriage.
I am sick. There are days when I wonder if I will ever want to have another baby. I feel like I am in an alien body. There is no rhyme to my rhythms. There is no way to prevent my all-day sickness. There is no way to anticipate my teary responses to the slightest comment. I have sore hips and I am constantly using the restroom. AND I'M NOT EVEN SHOWING YET!!! I am beside myself just wanting to get back to some semblence of normal. And then I realize that my estimation of normal is never going to measure up again...cue teary response.
And yet, we are grateful. More than anything we are SO grateful. God has given us an amazing gift to care for. He has given us the great joy of loving and guarding this child of His on this earth for however long He intends. He has given me the strength and the breath to nurture this child for the past 11 weeks. He gives us each beat of our baby's heart which is strong and beautiful. God gives us our wonderful family who is showering us with love, support and affection.
And our heavenly Father has given us each other. Kevin is a gift for which I cannot even find the words. Our marriage is a foundation that will sustain us through anything. My vocation is first as humble daughter of the Most High, second as loving wife to my husband, and third as dedicated mother of the child in my womb.
20 February, 2008
Stewardship of Winter
Tired of shoveling? Yes, I think most of us are tired of most things winter. I woke up this week to water flowing into our front room from the ice-dammed eaves. After removing every piece of furniture, relocating the cats, and sopping up the water-logged carpet, I sat down for a sip of cold coffee. As I sat there seething about our 70-year-old house and all of its wonderful “charm”, I looked out the window.
There to greet me was the most beautiful sight of snow blanketed trees and icicle draped homes. As the February sun fell warmly upon my lap, I realized that amidst all of my griping I had forgotten to thank God for this beautiful gift.
If you are like me, and perhaps you saw your kids’ snow day as anything but a “day off” or like my husband, you have retired from snow removal “…even if it means never leaving the house again!” here’s a thought for you. Even snow is a gift from God. A snow day can mean a few stolen moments with our children, our spouse, or even a good book. Snow removal can build our physical health or allow us to reach out to a neighbor. It just depends on how you look at it.
How do you handle the “snow” in your life? With griping or gratitude?
There to greet me was the most beautiful sight of snow blanketed trees and icicle draped homes. As the February sun fell warmly upon my lap, I realized that amidst all of my griping I had forgotten to thank God for this beautiful gift.
If you are like me, and perhaps you saw your kids’ snow day as anything but a “day off” or like my husband, you have retired from snow removal “…even if it means never leaving the house again!” here’s a thought for you. Even snow is a gift from God. A snow day can mean a few stolen moments with our children, our spouse, or even a good book. Snow removal can build our physical health or allow us to reach out to a neighbor. It just depends on how you look at it.
How do you handle the “snow” in your life? With griping or gratitude?
25 January, 2008
My "March for Life"...What's Yours?
I read a wonderful piece this morning on the pro-life march in Washington. It really brought a different thought process to my end of the dialogue.
http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2372&Itemid=48
For those of you, much like me, who don't have enough time to link to the article and read it (although I highly recommend doing so), the just of the article is as follows. Why does the march end at the steps fo the Supreme Court and not the steps of the Capital? The pro-life efforts must first be legislative not judicial. If they are judicial we simply lay any decision that is made in our favor in the path of overturning. This is the same reason we have hopes for the overturning of Roe v. Wade. And that is why he didn't march this year. Now Steve Skojec is much more eloquent and detailed in his writing on this issue, but I hope I've acurately represented the basic tenets of his thoughts.
And here is my response...
What an interesting viewpoint and addition to the pro-life dialogue. I have often felt an outsider because I don't march or pray outside the clinics. It isn't because I don't think there is a place for it, but because I find that God is calling me with my gifts and talents to serve in other capacities for the cause...like changing diapers, feeding "birdy" mouths at midnight, and contorting my 24-year-old body into a commercial airplane...
You see, I come from a family that cares for foster children. I come from a family that when the youngest biological child was 17, my parents adopted a 2-year-old boy who was in their care. I come from a family that regularly witnesses to this ministry to faithful and unchurched alike. It is that kind of pro-life witness that changes hearts. I've seen it.
There is a much bigger illness in the world that can't simply be changed through legislation. All the laws and enforcement in the world will not change the mind of a desperate, jobless, mother of five when she discovers she is pregnant with number 6. Laws won't soothe the heart, mind, and soul a women faced with an unexpected life in her womb when she must make the choice to carry her baby 10 months to term and then be tragically seperated from it in its better interest or to end its life before she thinks she will bond with it, forever scarring herself and her relationship with the world.
I suppose, at least in my mind, it comes down to one thing. We are Catholic. We are all parts of one body and the hand does not serve the same purpose as the foot. However, we should be aware, grateful, and respectful of the abilities and efforts of each part of the body, knowing that we all come from God with a unique purpose. It is out of our gratitude for God's greatest gift, life, that we must pray and serve on its behalf.
13 January, 2008
Worry Warts...
I am so glad that there is no such thing as worry warts...there are worry lines...but those I can handle...
Why my sudden concern with with bumps of viral persuassion that are supposedly caused by worry? Well, maybe because I am a perpetual worrier.
Those who spend time with me may or may not realize this. I tend to be a very upbeat person, but the reality is that on the inside I am a bundle of anxiety. My upbeat nature isn't false, in fact it is my effort to change the world one crabby, anxious person at a time, but it doesn't always completely represent what is going on inside.
For example, last night, I was in a perfectly good mood. I was pleasant, jovial, and down-right pleasing to be with. And then I went to sleep. My inner being started to turn and worry and writhe. Literally I drempt about work all night...I was up every two hours...You see, we have this big survey going on at work right now that I am responsible for. So far we've had a great response so why I worry, I don't know. I just do and it affects me.
I often ask myself, knowing the internal turmoil, "Amberly, just how do you manage to get through the day without imploding???!!!" and my answer always comes back to, "Because you have faith."
Most of the time that answer from my soul isn't good enough because then I feel like I must have only a little faith if I am still anxious inside. Then there are those precious moments in life where I realize that yes, I am human. I am anxious and worried. But my faith in God's ultimate and loving plan is still there.
This from the woman who sat in the back of church pleading with God, "Your will Lord, not mine. Your will, not mine. Please, please make this work!!! Oh, and by the way, bring me peace..."
But that is what sets me apart from despair. I might not always get it right and I might not always get it complete, but I know where to turn. I know where to start. And God hasn't failed me yet. Each day I am given a new opportunity to offer my worries up to God. Each day a loving Father tries to teach me how to walk with Him and trust Him. And, I think I am learning. It is slow...probably the slowest I've ever learned something, but it is growing and God is patient.
I guess my point is, God doesn't let us get worry warts. He doesn't feel the need to give us ugly scars from our learning curve. He does however allow us to form gentle "worry lines", or as I prefer to call them "character lines". It is a reminder of His faithfulness as we try each day to bring Him more and more into our lives and offer Him our greatest hopes and our greatest fears.
And maybe someday my effort to change the world one person at a time with my upbeat attitude will do just that...it will change me.
Why my sudden concern with with bumps of viral persuassion that are supposedly caused by worry? Well, maybe because I am a perpetual worrier.
Those who spend time with me may or may not realize this. I tend to be a very upbeat person, but the reality is that on the inside I am a bundle of anxiety. My upbeat nature isn't false, in fact it is my effort to change the world one crabby, anxious person at a time, but it doesn't always completely represent what is going on inside.
For example, last night, I was in a perfectly good mood. I was pleasant, jovial, and down-right pleasing to be with. And then I went to sleep. My inner being started to turn and worry and writhe. Literally I drempt about work all night...I was up every two hours...You see, we have this big survey going on at work right now that I am responsible for. So far we've had a great response so why I worry, I don't know. I just do and it affects me.
I often ask myself, knowing the internal turmoil, "Amberly, just how do you manage to get through the day without imploding???!!!" and my answer always comes back to, "Because you have faith."
Most of the time that answer from my soul isn't good enough because then I feel like I must have only a little faith if I am still anxious inside. Then there are those precious moments in life where I realize that yes, I am human. I am anxious and worried. But my faith in God's ultimate and loving plan is still there.
This from the woman who sat in the back of church pleading with God, "Your will Lord, not mine. Your will, not mine. Please, please make this work!!! Oh, and by the way, bring me peace..."
But that is what sets me apart from despair. I might not always get it right and I might not always get it complete, but I know where to turn. I know where to start. And God hasn't failed me yet. Each day I am given a new opportunity to offer my worries up to God. Each day a loving Father tries to teach me how to walk with Him and trust Him. And, I think I am learning. It is slow...probably the slowest I've ever learned something, but it is growing and God is patient.
I guess my point is, God doesn't let us get worry warts. He doesn't feel the need to give us ugly scars from our learning curve. He does however allow us to form gentle "worry lines", or as I prefer to call them "character lines". It is a reminder of His faithfulness as we try each day to bring Him more and more into our lives and offer Him our greatest hopes and our greatest fears.
And maybe someday my effort to change the world one person at a time with my upbeat attitude will do just that...it will change me.
28 December, 2007
Patience is Fleeting...
I am such a crab...I am so angry at the work printer...I spend weeks designing something and getting the print setup just right...and then it takes hours to print...and my parents are on their way here and I should be home cleaning up the house...oh well, guess they are going to see it "lived in". :)
And the worst part is: I can't even think of something decent to blog about...no brain cells left...
So, instead, I decided to gripe. And yes, I feel somewhat better now.
...if only my blood pressure would drop...
And the worst part is: I can't even think of something decent to blog about...no brain cells left...
So, instead, I decided to gripe. And yes, I feel somewhat better now.
...if only my blood pressure would drop...
26 December, 2007
A WHITE Christmas
Ah, winter in Wisconsin...finally!
This is the first Christmas since I moved back to the midwest that we have had a white Christmas.
And, I am again reminded and humbled by the fact that the driveway isn't magically cleared, but painstakingly cleared by my husband late at night and early in the morning. Guess it makes that basket of laundry waiting in the basement a little more tolerable...
Despite our unusual snowfall, I am grateful this Christmas for my warm home, my loving husband, and my reasonably good health.
I just hope that the snow respects its place in this world and stays far away from the travel path of my family this weekend...or else beware the wrath of a disappointed wife, daughter, and sister!!!
16 December, 2007
My Weekly Menu
Okay, so I should seriously be using this time to write my book, but this short form thing is way more fun!
Dinner stresses me out. I get home at 4:00 and if I don't have a plan in mind for dinner, we're doomed. I hate having to decide what to eat when I am tired from the day, I don't like having to go back out and get any missing ingredients, and I need mental time to work up to cooking after a long day. This is where the menu comes in...
Sure, it sounds antiquated...it may sound silly...but no matter what it sounds like, it works! I never understood why my mom did it. It just seemed obsessive compulsive. But I will tell you this: once you start, you'll never stop. Doing my menu eat week is comforting...it is stress relieving...and dare I say, it's fun!
Reasons for a menu:
1. You have to think ahead about what you have to each night and plan accordingly (ie: I have many 6:00 meetings...this means an early dinner and less time to prepare so quicker meals...)
2. You only have to shop once a week because you know what you are going to be eating for the week.
3. You eat sooo much healthier because you aren't as tempted to pop in a frozen dinner or order in...
4. You save money because you quickly learn how to use the early meals components or leftovers to make a completely different meal the next night!
So for the sake of example, here is my menu for the week (actually it is for about 10 days because I want to shop for Christmas at the same time...no point in extra trips during this time of year!) Enjoy!
SUN: Indian food, cous-cous, chicken
MON: (Kevin Class) Pan-fried tilapia, rice, veggies
TUES: (Am Meetings) Whole wheat spaghetti, leftover red sauce, veggies
WED: Soup from freezer, salad
THURS: (6:30 Kevin Meeting with Dentist) Cincinnati Chili
FRI: 5:30 Dinner @ Friends
SAT: Tuna toastcups, baked apples from freezer
SUN: Kevin cook, pork steaks, fried potatoes, corn
MON: (Kevin Work, 9:30) Christmas Eve @ Kevin's aunt and uncles - bring chocolate fondue and fruit for dessert
TUES: Egg sandwiches for breakfast - turkey, potatoes, veggies, and cranberry sauce for dinner
WED: Leftovers, lots of leftovers
My Hubby...
Often I feel overwhelmed by my week and all of the work that needs to be done. I work all day and then I run errands and attend extra meetings before Kevin gets home. When he gets home, I cook dinner. Then I fold laundry, clean the cat box, or balance the budget. It never seems to end and I never seem to have enough time in the day or energy in my body. And then, I look over at Kevin in front of that evening's hockey game or his e-mail and I wonder to myself, "What exactly does he do for this household?"...
And then it comes to me. He: cleans the bathroom with bleach because I don't like the way it makes my hands feel, cuts the lawn, takes care of the yard, deals with the plumber and the cleanup when our old house pipes block up in our basement, changes the laundry when I am too cold or too comfy to go downstairs, puts away his laundry when I fold it, makes me tea morning, noon, and night, cooks dinner on whatever random night I put on my weekly menu, handles the construction projects in our old house, deals with the dentist when his rates have gotten astronomical, washes the dishes I seemingly ignore when I "clean" the kitchen, brings me the laptop when I am too lazy to get up and get it, takes the trashes out EVERY week on trash night, picks up whatever random ingredient i've forgotten after a long day of work and classes, and generally provides a consistent sanity to our household.
And as I sit here typing this (on our new laptop!), my husband is asking me how to make cous-cous...most men won't even EAT cous-cous...forget preparing it!
Sometimes we get so caught up in our own time and energy limitations that we fail to realize that our loved ones often give more time and energy to tasks we simply take for granted.
If only I had the discipline and joy my husband does when he does household chores...maybe I'll add that to my Christmas list.
And then it comes to me. He: cleans the bathroom with bleach because I don't like the way it makes my hands feel, cuts the lawn, takes care of the yard, deals with the plumber and the cleanup when our old house pipes block up in our basement, changes the laundry when I am too cold or too comfy to go downstairs, puts away his laundry when I fold it, makes me tea morning, noon, and night, cooks dinner on whatever random night I put on my weekly menu, handles the construction projects in our old house, deals with the dentist when his rates have gotten astronomical, washes the dishes I seemingly ignore when I "clean" the kitchen, brings me the laptop when I am too lazy to get up and get it, takes the trashes out EVERY week on trash night, picks up whatever random ingredient i've forgotten after a long day of work and classes, and generally provides a consistent sanity to our household.
And as I sit here typing this (on our new laptop!), my husband is asking me how to make cous-cous...most men won't even EAT cous-cous...forget preparing it!
Sometimes we get so caught up in our own time and energy limitations that we fail to realize that our loved ones often give more time and energy to tasks we simply take for granted.
If only I had the discipline and joy my husband does when he does household chores...maybe I'll add that to my Christmas list.
Our Christmas Message
To all our friends and family,
The snow has begun to fall softly, the scarves are drawn more tightly around our necks, and the alcohol is being poured a bit stronger. Every year this blessed season rolls around and I look forward to writing a Christmas message. Unfortunately the gift list starts to grow, the holiday parties multiply, and my anxieties about what to write increase exponentially. So this year our message is simple: God is faithful. We are grateful for both the challenges and blessings of the past year.
Let us all be mindful of the fact that God did not send us a king, a lawyer, or a corporate CEO. He sent us a baby because He knew what we needed most: love. May the love of God bring peace and joy to your hearts and home this season. Have a blessed Christ mass and a merry holy day.
The snow has begun to fall softly, the scarves are drawn more tightly around our necks, and the alcohol is being poured a bit stronger. Every year this blessed season rolls around and I look forward to writing a Christmas message. Unfortunately the gift list starts to grow, the holiday parties multiply, and my anxieties about what to write increase exponentially. So this year our message is simple: God is faithful. We are grateful for both the challenges and blessings of the past year.
Let us all be mindful of the fact that God did not send us a king, a lawyer, or a corporate CEO. He sent us a baby because He knew what we needed most: love. May the love of God bring peace and joy to your hearts and home this season. Have a blessed Christ mass and a merry holy day.
Love and Prayers,Kevin and Amberly Boerschinger
07 December, 2007
A Night in the Life of Me...the Cat...
So, I've decided to let Gatsby post today...he wants to offer a window into he and his sister's life...
Hello, my name is Gatsby. I am a 18 month old male cat. I am an orange tabby. I like clean litter and regular tummy scritches.
This is my pad. I spend the majority of my free-time here. When I am not here, on my papa's lap, I am usually hanging out in my room.
This is Mouse. He's my sidekick. He keeps me out of trouble.
This is my papa. He likes to play with Phil our Wii and use our computer. I like the computer, but Papa says I can't play with the Mouse. I don't understand, I'm suppose to play with Mouse...don't y ou remember the picture?
I usually take a short nap in the evening. My job as the cat of this household requires me to be awake during the night so I can watch out for things like intrusive snowflakes and evil headlights.
This is my sister Daisy. She is angry in this picture because she wants Papa's lap and I'm there. She gets a little jealous sometimes.
She is really angry now. She's contemplating eating me...or at least taking a swipe at mama's arm...
I try not to let Doo's anger phase me. She is a bit of a drama queen. Nighttime is my chance to lay back and relax. I mean, who spends all day bug-stalking to listen to his sister whine all night? I just want a nice tongue bath and a fresh bowl of food.
These are the dudes who do all the work around here. They clean my box, feed me, and freshen the water. Usually we don't see them, but this time of year they stay around. They get busy doing their annual overhaul. You know, new beds, new toys, a general cleaning of my crib...those things their holding? Yep, a new kitty structure.
Boy, this writing stuff is tough work! I don't know how my mama does it everyday!!
What! There's a squirrel under the pine tree in the front yard??? And there's a pen lying in the hallway??? What is this house coming to!!??
I'm sorry. I have to monitor this situation. Thanks for coming along for a night in my life. I hope this gives you a better understanding about the challenges that face the domestic male tabby cat.
Dsisy here...so I took care of the whole lap situation (You can only imagine the amazing power of a stragetically placed pen in this house...), but I still have one question: why wasn't I asked to contribute to this little memoir???
03 December, 2007
Marriage: Keeping it Fresh...
Please note the title was not "Marriage: Getting Fresh" (get your minds out of the gutter)...and I do not intend to make any cute analogies to the best practices for keeping lettuce crispy (although, come to think of it, that would be an interesting post...I'll get back to you on that...)
No, this post is just more of a thought out loud. I often look at the marriages I admire and wonder how, after 20, 30, or 40 years of marriage, they have stayed so in love with one another. I am not saying that I don't believe in it because I believe it in wholeheartedly. I just want to know how!
I heard someone say recently about a couple with a long-standing marriage, "Oh they are just so cute! I would walk into her room [she had experienced an early stroke and was in a nursing home] and he would be holding her hand and they would be doting on one another. They just couldn't seem to keep their hands off one another."
I was moved by the recollection until she said with a laugh, "My husband and I stopped doing that 10 years ago!"
Sad!!! How does that happen?
More importantly, how doesn't it happen? What keeps those other marriages "fresh" like the newlywed years?
I hate it when men and women say to Kevin or me, "Oh, you two are still honeymooning! Isn't that sweet..." or "Aw, your first holiday together. Isn't that nice?"
Don't patronize me. I mean, they are not intending to, but I am also not intending for our honeymoon years to end. Sure, we will both change and the reasons we love each other will grow, but the reasons we got married won't. We got married because we believe that God brought us together as companions. We want to be with one another, care for one another, and raise a family together.
I think those couples who still dote on one another after 20, 30, or 40 years have figured out one thing. Love isn't about an emotional connection. If love is just about an emotional connection, it will fade because feelings and emotions are human and humans are flawed.
In my mind, Love (capital "L" versus lowercase, "I love these shoes!") must be an ongoing sacred experience. Love is our limited opportunity on earth to partake in the companionship of God. If Love is about the continual partaking in the companionship of God, it is divine and it can never end. No human struggle can drown Love. If for 40 years, amidst the joys and sorrows of family life and financial planning, you see or learn to see your marriage as partaking in the companionship of God how could you do anything but dote upon the companion God has given you?
The catch in this explanation of the "doting" phenomenon is that each person must choose to see Love in this way. Seeing Love as the the partaking in the companionship of God is not something you understand and assent to once for all time. It is a daily and sometimes hourly commitment.
So in the end I guess my mom was right. Her simple answer was, "Because Love is a choice."
No, this post is just more of a thought out loud. I often look at the marriages I admire and wonder how, after 20, 30, or 40 years of marriage, they have stayed so in love with one another. I am not saying that I don't believe in it because I believe it in wholeheartedly. I just want to know how!
I heard someone say recently about a couple with a long-standing marriage, "Oh they are just so cute! I would walk into her room [she had experienced an early stroke and was in a nursing home] and he would be holding her hand and they would be doting on one another. They just couldn't seem to keep their hands off one another."
I was moved by the recollection until she said with a laugh, "My husband and I stopped doing that 10 years ago!"
Sad!!! How does that happen?
More importantly, how doesn't it happen? What keeps those other marriages "fresh" like the newlywed years?
I hate it when men and women say to Kevin or me, "Oh, you two are still honeymooning! Isn't that sweet..." or "Aw, your first holiday together. Isn't that nice?"
Don't patronize me. I mean, they are not intending to, but I am also not intending for our honeymoon years to end. Sure, we will both change and the reasons we love each other will grow, but the reasons we got married won't. We got married because we believe that God brought us together as companions. We want to be with one another, care for one another, and raise a family together.
I think those couples who still dote on one another after 20, 30, or 40 years have figured out one thing. Love isn't about an emotional connection. If love is just about an emotional connection, it will fade because feelings and emotions are human and humans are flawed.
In my mind, Love (capital "L" versus lowercase, "I love these shoes!") must be an ongoing sacred experience. Love is our limited opportunity on earth to partake in the companionship of God. If Love is about the continual partaking in the companionship of God, it is divine and it can never end. No human struggle can drown Love. If for 40 years, amidst the joys and sorrows of family life and financial planning, you see or learn to see your marriage as partaking in the companionship of God how could you do anything but dote upon the companion God has given you?
The catch in this explanation of the "doting" phenomenon is that each person must choose to see Love in this way. Seeing Love as the the partaking in the companionship of God is not something you understand and assent to once for all time. It is a daily and sometimes hourly commitment.
So in the end I guess my mom was right. Her simple answer was, "Because Love is a choice."
Snow...I just don't know...
"It's the snow! You know how I get. It's like catnip!" --Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
This quote mirrors my typical sentiment and yet, I'm not sure how I feel about the snow this year.
We had our first "big one" this past weekend. It came suddenly and with a burst of extreme cold. I was not at home for this first large snow of the season and my low level of excitement may be due to its untimely arrival.
Snow, for as long as I can remember, has regularly taught me one big lesson; SLOW DOWN. It does so in three ways.
#1 Driving. The first and most practical way snow teaches me to slow down is the fact that if you drive too quickly in it you will have an accident. Even here in the midwest where most people know how to drive in snow, the number of cars in the ditch attest to the fact that we still feel like we need to get somewhere fast instead of in one piece. I have done my share of fish-tailing, spinning my wheels, and gliding on black ice. While it is 100% true that some of this can be chalked up to the crappy dealership tires currently on my car, some of still has to do with my own sense of rushing or a stupid move of another rushing driver (cutting me off in order to pass a more cautious winter driver causing me to compress my brakes and slide not-so-gracefully onto the sleep strip of the highway...always remember, turn INTO the spin...). Slow down. The slower you are going, the less quickly you have to compress your brakes in a tight spot. The same applies to life.
#2 The "stay at home" factor. Snow makes me want to curl up on the couch or in my home office and shut down for a long winter's nap (or at least an afternoon's). Who wants to go out into traffic and crappy roads? I went out this weekend and although I had a good time, I really just wanted to hunker down in my hotel room, order local take-out, and watch stupid movies all day. This snow factor reminds me that slowing down isn't just about scheduling less or running fewer errands. It isn't just about spending less time going fast, but taking that extra time and using it to slow down our minds. Do something just for you; watch a movie, read a book, bake cookies, feed your soul.
#3 Seasonal pacing. No this isn't some psychological term I learned in a book. I experienced this firsthand. I lived in southern California for my four years of high school. Southern California has two seasons; wet and dry. The wet season probably totals no more than 30 days of anything from a gentle spritz (what we would calling heavy fog in the midwest) to a more typical downpour. The other 11 months are gorgeous. Now, I am not complaining about the weather...but I am going to point out the fact that if you don't have cold and snow you don't have a natural force slowing you down at any point during the year. Think about how quickly our lives move during the summer. The weather is warm, everybody wants to be outside, and life is grand. That feeling pervaded the entire year in Southern California. The pace might have slowed slightly due to the return of school in the fall, but then the outdoor sports kicked in. When it snows it is more challenging for us to be outdoors. It is more challenging for us to move from place to place and see people and attend events. There are at least 3 months of every year where nature forces us to slow down, sometimes even to the degree of our physical bodies (I'm not thinking of anything in particular...the nice muscle-cramping I'm getting in my shoulders from the cold that keeps me from easily reaching for the pencil container on my desk...)
The snows of the midwest pace our lives in a most significant way. It reminds us to slow down. It reminds us to move less quickly. It reminds us to take time to hunker down our minds. It reminds us to stop, warm up, and get our minds and bodies refreshed for the upcoming spring.
Maybe my lack of excitement is more a reflection of my hesitation to slow down than it is an actual distaste of the weather phenomenon because I cannot completely deny a certain measure of excitement for those first soft and delicate flakes of frozen water.
This quote mirrors my typical sentiment and yet, I'm not sure how I feel about the snow this year.
We had our first "big one" this past weekend. It came suddenly and with a burst of extreme cold. I was not at home for this first large snow of the season and my low level of excitement may be due to its untimely arrival.
Snow, for as long as I can remember, has regularly taught me one big lesson; SLOW DOWN. It does so in three ways.
#1 Driving. The first and most practical way snow teaches me to slow down is the fact that if you drive too quickly in it you will have an accident. Even here in the midwest where most people know how to drive in snow, the number of cars in the ditch attest to the fact that we still feel like we need to get somewhere fast instead of in one piece. I have done my share of fish-tailing, spinning my wheels, and gliding on black ice. While it is 100% true that some of this can be chalked up to the crappy dealership tires currently on my car, some of still has to do with my own sense of rushing or a stupid move of another rushing driver (cutting me off in order to pass a more cautious winter driver causing me to compress my brakes and slide not-so-gracefully onto the sleep strip of the highway...always remember, turn INTO the spin...). Slow down. The slower you are going, the less quickly you have to compress your brakes in a tight spot. The same applies to life.
#2 The "stay at home" factor. Snow makes me want to curl up on the couch or in my home office and shut down for a long winter's nap (or at least an afternoon's). Who wants to go out into traffic and crappy roads? I went out this weekend and although I had a good time, I really just wanted to hunker down in my hotel room, order local take-out, and watch stupid movies all day. This snow factor reminds me that slowing down isn't just about scheduling less or running fewer errands. It isn't just about spending less time going fast, but taking that extra time and using it to slow down our minds. Do something just for you; watch a movie, read a book, bake cookies, feed your soul.
#3 Seasonal pacing. No this isn't some psychological term I learned in a book. I experienced this firsthand. I lived in southern California for my four years of high school. Southern California has two seasons; wet and dry. The wet season probably totals no more than 30 days of anything from a gentle spritz (what we would calling heavy fog in the midwest) to a more typical downpour. The other 11 months are gorgeous. Now, I am not complaining about the weather...but I am going to point out the fact that if you don't have cold and snow you don't have a natural force slowing you down at any point during the year. Think about how quickly our lives move during the summer. The weather is warm, everybody wants to be outside, and life is grand. That feeling pervaded the entire year in Southern California. The pace might have slowed slightly due to the return of school in the fall, but then the outdoor sports kicked in. When it snows it is more challenging for us to be outdoors. It is more challenging for us to move from place to place and see people and attend events. There are at least 3 months of every year where nature forces us to slow down, sometimes even to the degree of our physical bodies (I'm not thinking of anything in particular...the nice muscle-cramping I'm getting in my shoulders from the cold that keeps me from easily reaching for the pencil container on my desk...)
The snows of the midwest pace our lives in a most significant way. It reminds us to slow down. It reminds us to move less quickly. It reminds us to take time to hunker down our minds. It reminds us to stop, warm up, and get our minds and bodies refreshed for the upcoming spring.
Maybe my lack of excitement is more a reflection of my hesitation to slow down than it is an actual distaste of the weather phenomenon because I cannot completely deny a certain measure of excitement for those first soft and delicate flakes of frozen water.
18 November, 2007
The Perfect Christmas Gift
So, I have been trying to figure out how to blog about this without giving away the gift...
I guess, the best thing to say is that the best gift is usually the one that is the most thoughtful even if it isn't the most expensive one on someone's list...
And sometimes it is the most expensive one on someone's list, but sometimes God provides a little prodding in order to make your impossible plans a reality...
I have had both this season and I can't wait to see their faces as they open their gifts! That is truly a great feeling!!!
I guess, the best thing to say is that the best gift is usually the one that is the most thoughtful even if it isn't the most expensive one on someone's list...
And sometimes it is the most expensive one on someone's list, but sometimes God provides a little prodding in order to make your impossible plans a reality...
I have had both this season and I can't wait to see their faces as they open their gifts! That is truly a great feeling!!!
14 November, 2007
Quiet Time...
First it was a trusted friend commenting on my daily need to process "stepping back and letting the Holy Spirit work"...
Then it was a practical recommendation from a resource I am using to lead a small group study.
Then it was another practical recommendation from that same resource in regards to a different strength.
Then it was a little voice in my prayer time in the shower.
I need to take time for quiet reflection.
WAIT A SECOND!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???
I am a busy person.
I have a busy schedule.
I am with people all day.
When I am not with people, I am communicating with people.
When I am not communicating with people, I am preparing notes or agendas.
When I am not preparing notes, I am preparing lunch or dinner.
If I am not preparing a meal, I am doing any number of possible tasks!!!!
WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE TIME FOR QUIET REFLECTION???
Okay, I'm done. I'm calm. Deep breath.
These messages, this theme, is a message from God. He knows better than I. If He is telling me to take quiet time who am I to question? Now, the question becomes, how do I find the time?
And the answer is...I make it.
This practice of "making time" is never mastered, but it is an important one to practice. It is a matter of reviewing my day and building it in. If it means taking my lunch into the day chapel, I schedule it in. If 4:00 rolls around, I add a few minutes onto my drive home (not hard to do when I am 3 minutes from the house...) If I have chores to do, sometimes my quiet time is over laundry (that just means I have to talk and listen instead of read or write). Sometimes it is meeting God at the sink or at the stove. Sometimes it means getting up before the sun for a quiet, extra hot shower. If it means making time before bed it may mean a little less sleep. (This same principal of "making time" is crucial to marriages as well...)
Nothing is more important than making time to talk with God and reflect on His beauty and presence. The key is that He doesn't always ask us to forego the needs of our family in order to make time for Him. He just wants your attention while your hands are busy.
In 99% of cases, if we are honest with ourselves, the time is there...we just have to use it that way.
And then the trick is: make it count.
Then it was a practical recommendation from a resource I am using to lead a small group study.
Then it was another practical recommendation from that same resource in regards to a different strength.
Then it was a little voice in my prayer time in the shower.
I need to take time for quiet reflection.
WAIT A SECOND!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???
I am a busy person.
I have a busy schedule.
I am with people all day.
When I am not with people, I am communicating with people.
When I am not communicating with people, I am preparing notes or agendas.
When I am not preparing notes, I am preparing lunch or dinner.
If I am not preparing a meal, I am doing any number of possible tasks!!!!
WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE TIME FOR QUIET REFLECTION???
Okay, I'm done. I'm calm. Deep breath.
These messages, this theme, is a message from God. He knows better than I. If He is telling me to take quiet time who am I to question? Now, the question becomes, how do I find the time?
And the answer is...I make it.
This practice of "making time" is never mastered, but it is an important one to practice. It is a matter of reviewing my day and building it in. If it means taking my lunch into the day chapel, I schedule it in. If 4:00 rolls around, I add a few minutes onto my drive home (not hard to do when I am 3 minutes from the house...) If I have chores to do, sometimes my quiet time is over laundry (that just means I have to talk and listen instead of read or write). Sometimes it is meeting God at the sink or at the stove. Sometimes it means getting up before the sun for a quiet, extra hot shower. If it means making time before bed it may mean a little less sleep. (This same principal of "making time" is crucial to marriages as well...)
Nothing is more important than making time to talk with God and reflect on His beauty and presence. The key is that He doesn't always ask us to forego the needs of our family in order to make time for Him. He just wants your attention while your hands are busy.
In 99% of cases, if we are honest with ourselves, the time is there...we just have to use it that way.
And then the trick is: make it count.
05 November, 2007
The Blessing and Curse of Routine...
I love routine...it makes my life liveable...
My weekly routine goes like this (most of the time...)
Sunday: Morning Mass...sometimes three of them if I am working...load of laundry...12 o'clock football...change laundry...3 o'clock football...fold laundry...order Chinese food...write weekly menu...
Monday: Work...budget and bills for week...catch up with friends while Kevin is at class...make late supper...
Tuesday: Early morning meeting...work...home for random chores or projects...parish meeting hopping (Tuesday is everyone's favorite meeting night)...come home to hockey...
Wednesday: Work...work...work...home for a leftovers or frozen (originally from scratch mind you!)...faith formation night...possibly come home to hockey...
Thursday: Work...work...work...actually spend time with my husband...usually putting away Sunday's folded laundry...you guessed it, hockey...
Friday: Work...work...prep for weekend church work...spend time with my husband...usually sleeping or vegging in front of the TV...hopefully "What Not to Wear"...
Saturday: Wake up...morning errands...afternoon projects...dinner...maybe a date night...
And here is a rundown of my daily routine (most of the time...)
6:30 Wake up and push my sleeping husband into the shower
6:35 Take temperature
6:40 Roll out of body, sweep hair into rubber band, trip on a hanger, stumble into the kitchen
6:45 Make Kevin's oatmeal and lunch and pour his coffee
6:50 Kiss Kevin goodbye and attempt to pour my own coffee
7:00 (Yes it takes me 10 minutes to pour my coffee...) Turn on the TODAY show and begin stretching
7:15 Sit ups
7:25 Sit and drink coffee for a BLESSED five minutes!!!
7:30 Shower, dress, dig and search for my name badge, change clothes, find shoes
7:55 Leave for work
8:00-11:30 Work (meaning, follow up on projects, make phone calls, gab with the staff, listen to the Holy Spirit...)
11:30 Eat lunch early (or I'm crabby!!!)
12:00-4:00 Work (meaning, well you know what I mean!)
4:00 Go home...do MY chores before Kevin gets home...clean kitchen, write bills, start dinner, release and feed the hounds (the cats)...if I'm lucky, workout...
5:00 Kevin gets home, eat early (or I'm crabby!!!)
6:30 Typically meetings...rarely dinner with friends...
8:00 Home...crash on the couch...watch hockey or play video games...
9:00 Drink my tea
9:30 Bedtime routine which consists of finding a t-shirt, closing the closet doors (yes, I'm a little paranoid...) and crawling into bed...
9:31 I'm out...gone...fast asleep...won't wake 'till morning...
Why did I just regale you with my routines? Because routine is a beautiful thing...it is also a thing of great amusement and great frustration...out of my routine, I'm a little off-kilter...but too "on" my routine and I get frustated by the fact that it just "starts over"...I never get out of it!! The laundry never gets DONE!!! The dishes are never CLEAN!!! My menu is never SET!!! The budget is never BALANCED!!! Life is constantly moving and routine is just that...moving...planning...doing...
My point is, we have to shake it up a little bit!!! Sometimes we have to throw a wrench in our routine...sometimes you just have to toss the plans out the window and do something completely unexpected...otherwise all you are is your routine! :)
My weekly routine goes like this (most of the time...)
Sunday: Morning Mass...sometimes three of them if I am working...load of laundry...12 o'clock football...change laundry...3 o'clock football...fold laundry...order Chinese food...write weekly menu...
Monday: Work...budget and bills for week...catch up with friends while Kevin is at class...make late supper...
Tuesday: Early morning meeting...work...home for random chores or projects...parish meeting hopping (Tuesday is everyone's favorite meeting night)...come home to hockey...
Wednesday: Work...work...work...home for a leftovers or frozen (originally from scratch mind you!)...faith formation night...possibly come home to hockey...
Thursday: Work...work...work...actually spend time with my husband...usually putting away Sunday's folded laundry...you guessed it, hockey...
Friday: Work...work...prep for weekend church work...spend time with my husband...usually sleeping or vegging in front of the TV...hopefully "What Not to Wear"...
Saturday: Wake up...morning errands...afternoon projects...dinner...maybe a date night...
And here is a rundown of my daily routine (most of the time...)
6:30 Wake up and push my sleeping husband into the shower
6:35 Take temperature
6:40 Roll out of body, sweep hair into rubber band, trip on a hanger, stumble into the kitchen
6:45 Make Kevin's oatmeal and lunch and pour his coffee
6:50 Kiss Kevin goodbye and attempt to pour my own coffee
7:00 (Yes it takes me 10 minutes to pour my coffee...) Turn on the TODAY show and begin stretching
7:15 Sit ups
7:25 Sit and drink coffee for a BLESSED five minutes!!!
7:30 Shower, dress, dig and search for my name badge, change clothes, find shoes
7:55 Leave for work
8:00-11:30 Work (meaning, follow up on projects, make phone calls, gab with the staff, listen to the Holy Spirit...)
11:30 Eat lunch early (or I'm crabby!!!)
12:00-4:00 Work (meaning, well you know what I mean!)
4:00 Go home...do MY chores before Kevin gets home...clean kitchen, write bills, start dinner, release and feed the hounds (the cats)...if I'm lucky, workout...
5:00 Kevin gets home, eat early (or I'm crabby!!!)
6:30 Typically meetings...rarely dinner with friends...
8:00 Home...crash on the couch...watch hockey or play video games...
9:00 Drink my tea
9:30 Bedtime routine which consists of finding a t-shirt, closing the closet doors (yes, I'm a little paranoid...) and crawling into bed...
9:31 I'm out...gone...fast asleep...won't wake 'till morning...
Why did I just regale you with my routines? Because routine is a beautiful thing...it is also a thing of great amusement and great frustration...out of my routine, I'm a little off-kilter...but too "on" my routine and I get frustated by the fact that it just "starts over"...I never get out of it!! The laundry never gets DONE!!! The dishes are never CLEAN!!! My menu is never SET!!! The budget is never BALANCED!!! Life is constantly moving and routine is just that...moving...planning...doing...
My point is, we have to shake it up a little bit!!! Sometimes we have to throw a wrench in our routine...sometimes you just have to toss the plans out the window and do something completely unexpected...otherwise all you are is your routine! :)
31 October, 2007
Color My Life Lord!!
As women of faith, God has created us for great things. He has created us with the ability to feel great joy and great sorrow. He has given us the influence to paint the world with our feelings and our lives.
And yet, so often we get caught up in our busy lives and the secular world. Our lives become stressful, dull, and neutral. We live in shades of gray or in some cases we become shrouded in black.
You’ve all seen or heard of the shows “Trading Spaces” or “While You Were Out”. The most exciting moment of these shows is the moment the designer opens the paint cans to reveal the creamy new color of the room. We need to help one another to open a few new paint cans in our lives by exploring one question:
What color palate is God creating in my life?
Consider the following passage. It is a passage I have struggled with regularly since I could understand it. How will I ever live up to the example of this woman??? How can I ever be as perfect as she is??? What I discovered when reading this passage in light of the forementioned question is that this woman's life was not about her successes or her failures, but her ability to create a beautiful palate of color in her life. Look at all of the amazing color and imagery used to tell her story!!!
Proverbs 31: 10-3110 When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.
11 Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.
12 She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
13 She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands.
14 Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar.
15 She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household.
16 She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.
18 She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle.
20 She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.
21 She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed.
22 She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing.
23 Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land.
24 She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.
27 She watches the conduct of her household, and eats not her food in idleness.
28 Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her:
29 "Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all."
30 Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
What color is your life today?
26 October, 2007
A Sad Week
Life is so fragile.
Some people believe that deaths come in threes. This week they came in more than that. Kevin and I had to keep a firm eye on the end of the week hoping and praying it would bring an end to the sadness.
We were fortunate that the closest death came was a childhood playmate, but still. Each death made us reflect on just how delicate we are and just how out of control. Since our marriage, we have each become much more aware of how mortal we really are. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that now the impact of our own death is so much closer.
We had to elect life insurance this week (it is hard to believe there wasn't some kind of conspiracy going on there...). We both receive a small amount as a benefit through work, but we had to decide if we wanted more and how much. Kevin was adament that we get life insurance on him as the primary source of income. He wanted to be sure that I was provided for in the event of his death. He wanted me to be able to care for our children and myself in the most healthy way I could without him. I am very blessed by that gift. We filled out the election, sealed the envelope, and placed it in my purse for the mail.
Then I got to thinking, "What if something ever happened to me? What legacy did I want to leave for my husband and my children?" I want my husband only to worry and think about our children and not the expenses, not the budget. I want my children to have time with their dad. I want my children to have a good Catholic education. I don't want money to be an obstacle to the depth of their relationship in a time when they are so desperately going to need one another. I want to be sure that I leave my family in a state to successfully support one another without having to devote extra time to money.
So, I ripped open the election form and changed the election over to family. What's an extra $4 a month when you consider the benefits? For $48 a year I can assure that if God calls me home before I see my children grown, they will be cared for in a fashion similar to that which I would have cared for them.
Certainly, it is not all about the money, but in this case the money is what will make the care, the mercy, and the love an easier focus in a time of great darkness. And isn't that what God calls us to? We are called to look beyond ourselves and be loving stewards of our time, our love, our fortune, and our future.
Life is delicate. Embrace every opportunity. Love in every moment.
Some people believe that deaths come in threes. This week they came in more than that. Kevin and I had to keep a firm eye on the end of the week hoping and praying it would bring an end to the sadness.
We were fortunate that the closest death came was a childhood playmate, but still. Each death made us reflect on just how delicate we are and just how out of control. Since our marriage, we have each become much more aware of how mortal we really are. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that now the impact of our own death is so much closer.
We had to elect life insurance this week (it is hard to believe there wasn't some kind of conspiracy going on there...). We both receive a small amount as a benefit through work, but we had to decide if we wanted more and how much. Kevin was adament that we get life insurance on him as the primary source of income. He wanted to be sure that I was provided for in the event of his death. He wanted me to be able to care for our children and myself in the most healthy way I could without him. I am very blessed by that gift. We filled out the election, sealed the envelope, and placed it in my purse for the mail.
Then I got to thinking, "What if something ever happened to me? What legacy did I want to leave for my husband and my children?" I want my husband only to worry and think about our children and not the expenses, not the budget. I want my children to have time with their dad. I want my children to have a good Catholic education. I don't want money to be an obstacle to the depth of their relationship in a time when they are so desperately going to need one another. I want to be sure that I leave my family in a state to successfully support one another without having to devote extra time to money.
So, I ripped open the election form and changed the election over to family. What's an extra $4 a month when you consider the benefits? For $48 a year I can assure that if God calls me home before I see my children grown, they will be cared for in a fashion similar to that which I would have cared for them.
Certainly, it is not all about the money, but in this case the money is what will make the care, the mercy, and the love an easier focus in a time of great darkness. And isn't that what God calls us to? We are called to look beyond ourselves and be loving stewards of our time, our love, our fortune, and our future.
Life is delicate. Embrace every opportunity. Love in every moment.
24 October, 2007
Oh Vey! Busy Woman Working!
I'm not even halfway through my week and I am exhausted!!! Don't get me wrong, this week has been great, progressive and encouraging, but sometimes that can be just as exhausting as the difficult, digressive and discouraging weeks...
I need to be filled up. I need a good hour or two with good friends. But there are a few problems...
#1 My first stop is a call with my sisters or my mom. They get me. They get my brain and they understand my goofy issues...I've done that. Sadly, they live WAY TOO FAR AWAY and we are all WAY TOO BUSY for regular phone calls. We've also concluded that growing up we did each other a terrible disservice being best friends...we've set some incredibly high standards for friends...
#2 Sure, I can get together with some of our friends and have a nice stiff drink and plentiful laughs...but what about the values struggles? What about the relationship questions? What about those "womens" problems? Those can't exactly be the topic of polite happy-hour conversations...
#3 So, my next recourse would be church. I love church. There are great people at church. We have a Ladies Guild right? Yes and the membership is primarily 40+ women playing bunco and planning craft sales...okay, so that doesn't work either.
Where are our Catholic young people? Where do I find them? Specifically, where do I find young Catholic women? To quote a dear friend, I am tired of feeling like an island!!!
For those non-denominational friends out there who are saying, "Come to church with us! We have a women's ministry!", my polite answer has to be no (as much as I appreciate your friendship and your invitation). You just don't have what I need. I feel as much like an island at your church as I do at my own because I cannot partake in the Eucharistic feast and because in your small groups I can't be my authentic self, Catholic, without being frowned upon or challenged. So the answer must lie somewhere else, although I will admit doing research into that possibility.
We as women need each other. We need the kind of support system that our mothers and grandmothers had in their sisters, aunt and mothers. It is very hard for us to achieve that in today's transplantable society. We have compartmentalized ourselves from the world. We go to work in our cars by ourselves. We sit in our office or cubical by ourselves. We come home and crash in our own rooms. We spend our evening hours with a computer screen with one keyboard and one mouse. When we exercise we shut out the world with our IPODs and Zunes. Even at church we come in at the last minute, sit in "my regular pew", and leave the second the organ heaves its last note.
How are we supposed to find women of faith, value, and joy?
I want to encourage each of you to think about the women in your life. Do they uphold you? Do they bring you joy and color? Do you uphold them? If not, go to your parishes and your churches and share your struggle. Together we will get the message out. We need honest and loving women to hold us accountable and women with whom we can share the very essence of our lives.
I propose these seven initial steps. First we pray. Then we trust. Then we pray again. Then we look, we listen, and we ask. And then we pray again.
I am so blessed to be hosting a gathering of 8 women this weekend at my home. I ask for your prayers. I hope it will be a gathering of great joy, sharing, and support; somewhere that a woman can come to be filled up by other women who will uphold her value system and faith-life.
God gave us others to walk the journey with. Let's find them offer our hand in friendship.
I need to be filled up. I need a good hour or two with good friends. But there are a few problems...
#1 My first stop is a call with my sisters or my mom. They get me. They get my brain and they understand my goofy issues...I've done that. Sadly, they live WAY TOO FAR AWAY and we are all WAY TOO BUSY for regular phone calls. We've also concluded that growing up we did each other a terrible disservice being best friends...we've set some incredibly high standards for friends...
#2 Sure, I can get together with some of our friends and have a nice stiff drink and plentiful laughs...but what about the values struggles? What about the relationship questions? What about those "womens" problems? Those can't exactly be the topic of polite happy-hour conversations...
#3 So, my next recourse would be church. I love church. There are great people at church. We have a Ladies Guild right? Yes and the membership is primarily 40+ women playing bunco and planning craft sales...okay, so that doesn't work either.
Where are our Catholic young people? Where do I find them? Specifically, where do I find young Catholic women? To quote a dear friend, I am tired of feeling like an island!!!
For those non-denominational friends out there who are saying, "Come to church with us! We have a women's ministry!", my polite answer has to be no (as much as I appreciate your friendship and your invitation). You just don't have what I need. I feel as much like an island at your church as I do at my own because I cannot partake in the Eucharistic feast and because in your small groups I can't be my authentic self, Catholic, without being frowned upon or challenged. So the answer must lie somewhere else, although I will admit doing research into that possibility.
We as women need each other. We need the kind of support system that our mothers and grandmothers had in their sisters, aunt and mothers. It is very hard for us to achieve that in today's transplantable society. We have compartmentalized ourselves from the world. We go to work in our cars by ourselves. We sit in our office or cubical by ourselves. We come home and crash in our own rooms. We spend our evening hours with a computer screen with one keyboard and one mouse. When we exercise we shut out the world with our IPODs and Zunes. Even at church we come in at the last minute, sit in "my regular pew", and leave the second the organ heaves its last note.
How are we supposed to find women of faith, value, and joy?
I want to encourage each of you to think about the women in your life. Do they uphold you? Do they bring you joy and color? Do you uphold them? If not, go to your parishes and your churches and share your struggle. Together we will get the message out. We need honest and loving women to hold us accountable and women with whom we can share the very essence of our lives.
I propose these seven initial steps. First we pray. Then we trust. Then we pray again. Then we look, we listen, and we ask. And then we pray again.
I am so blessed to be hosting a gathering of 8 women this weekend at my home. I ask for your prayers. I hope it will be a gathering of great joy, sharing, and support; somewhere that a woman can come to be filled up by other women who will uphold her value system and faith-life.
God gave us others to walk the journey with. Let's find them offer our hand in friendship.
11 September, 2007
Eulogy for the Days of Light Speed Metabolism
Oh how I am going to miss the fresh fruits and vegetables!!! Not only are fresh fruits and veggies the pinnacle of summer, but their health and financial benefits are unsurpassed.
Kevin and I have launched a united effort to regain and maintain our waistlines and our risk for heart disease. In said effort, I have changed my cooking habits to include 3 times as much fresh produce, multi-grains, and low fat proteins as possible. It has definately taken some thought (and a search for credible websites on calorie intake and content was virtually fruitless despite 2 million hits on the topic).
I am much obliged to the local farmers market for their contribution to the effort. I have no idea how we will afford to live on our current levels of produce when the frost starts to settle in. I have attempted to master the art of canning, but I am not sure how much good 12 quarts of pickles is apt to do us...and then there are the two jars of salsa which "botulized" for no apparent reason...and one lone jar of arrabiata sauce...
We are definately starting to feel better. We encourage one another to exercise, gently chide one another at the temptation for fried potato chips, and laugh at one another's misguided attempts at convenience health foods (my self-designed 100 calorie packs of salted non-multigrain pretzels...his attempts to curb his love of beer into a "treat".)
I am not saying that the occassional slip doesn't occur, sometimes intentionally...(breaded chicken wings with spicy BBQ sauce...OH MY GOSH!!...Sam's Club death dogs...OH MY GOSH!!...chocolate of any kind...OH MY GOSH!!!)
Our beloved Catholic Church doesn't help any either. I maintain that the Catholic Church has singlehanded contributed to the obesity epidemic in the United States. I mean, come on, donuts, juice and heavily creamed coffee every Sunday for 30 straight years cannot be a good thing...
Regardless, the one thing we have stressed through this whole thing is NO RADICAL CHANGES. We will eat what we like. We will eat what we want. We will substitute when possible (whole wheat pasta, olive oil, chicken instead of beef). We will shrink our portions. We will check the sodium content of our meals. But we WILL NOT DIET!! I will have cream in my coffee. Kevin will have an extra pack of oatmeal in the morning. We will go out for supper. This needs to be maintainable. Whether we are working or not. Whether we have kids or not. Whether we need to lose weight or not. WE MUST BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN!!!
And yet, we shared a small memorial for the days of light-speed metabolism. The eulogy went something like this.
"Gone are the days of banana twinkies for breakfast (although I've never found banana twinkies appealing for any meal...). Gone are the days of late night binging (probably because they're out with the late night cram sessions). Gone are the happy hour Miller Lite binges (although I imagine they will still exists in pints, just not in pitchers) Long gone are the days of eating half the cookie dough while baking the other half (wait, who am I kidding!)
Now is the time for beautiful fillets of tilapia...elegant arrays of whole wheat pasta...brightly colored fruits and vegetables...mediterranean spices...apple gelatin desserts (recipe BELOW, fabulous!!!) and more filtered Lake Michigan pipeline water than you can possibly imagine. We embrace it!
And yet, all of that said, one cannot forget the Midwest's dirty little secret...the inevitable...WINTER WEIGHT."
Kevin and I have launched a united effort to regain and maintain our waistlines and our risk for heart disease. In said effort, I have changed my cooking habits to include 3 times as much fresh produce, multi-grains, and low fat proteins as possible. It has definately taken some thought (and a search for credible websites on calorie intake and content was virtually fruitless despite 2 million hits on the topic).
I am much obliged to the local farmers market for their contribution to the effort. I have no idea how we will afford to live on our current levels of produce when the frost starts to settle in. I have attempted to master the art of canning, but I am not sure how much good 12 quarts of pickles is apt to do us...and then there are the two jars of salsa which "botulized" for no apparent reason...and one lone jar of arrabiata sauce...
We are definately starting to feel better. We encourage one another to exercise, gently chide one another at the temptation for fried potato chips, and laugh at one another's misguided attempts at convenience health foods (my self-designed 100 calorie packs of salted non-multigrain pretzels...his attempts to curb his love of beer into a "treat".)
I am not saying that the occassional slip doesn't occur, sometimes intentionally...(breaded chicken wings with spicy BBQ sauce...OH MY GOSH!!...Sam's Club death dogs...OH MY GOSH!!...chocolate of any kind...OH MY GOSH!!!)
Our beloved Catholic Church doesn't help any either. I maintain that the Catholic Church has singlehanded contributed to the obesity epidemic in the United States. I mean, come on, donuts, juice and heavily creamed coffee every Sunday for 30 straight years cannot be a good thing...
Regardless, the one thing we have stressed through this whole thing is NO RADICAL CHANGES. We will eat what we like. We will eat what we want. We will substitute when possible (whole wheat pasta, olive oil, chicken instead of beef). We will shrink our portions. We will check the sodium content of our meals. But we WILL NOT DIET!! I will have cream in my coffee. Kevin will have an extra pack of oatmeal in the morning. We will go out for supper. This needs to be maintainable. Whether we are working or not. Whether we have kids or not. Whether we need to lose weight or not. WE MUST BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN!!!
And yet, we shared a small memorial for the days of light-speed metabolism. The eulogy went something like this.
"Gone are the days of banana twinkies for breakfast (although I've never found banana twinkies appealing for any meal...). Gone are the days of late night binging (probably because they're out with the late night cram sessions). Gone are the happy hour Miller Lite binges (although I imagine they will still exists in pints, just not in pitchers) Long gone are the days of eating half the cookie dough while baking the other half (wait, who am I kidding!)
Now is the time for beautiful fillets of tilapia...elegant arrays of whole wheat pasta...brightly colored fruits and vegetables...mediterranean spices...apple gelatin desserts (recipe BELOW, fabulous!!!) and more filtered Lake Michigan pipeline water than you can possibly imagine. We embrace it!
And yet, all of that said, one cannot forget the Midwest's dirty little secret...the inevitable...WINTER WEIGHT."
15 August, 2007
Pass the Hammer! Please...
Our dining room floor is done...
After three nights, two full days, and 6 trips to Home Depot and Menards...
After a smashed up toe, punctured fingers, and several black paint stains on multiple extremities (which are still there 5 showers and 3 days later)...
So here is the story. Kevin and I had our first free weekend in weeks. With vacations and our constantly demanding work schedules it is rare for us to have a completely free weekend. We agreed weeks ago that we weren't scheduling with ANYONE for this weekend. We turned down dinners, celebrations, and tickets amongst friendly protests, but we did it. We maintained a free weekend.
So Friday, we went for our traditional Friday lunch out and began mapping out our plans. On the table was the State Fair in Milwaukee, a nice italian dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant we've been trying to get to for 9 months, a boat trip on the Fox River, a trip to the farmer's market, and a few odds and ends around the house.
And then, out of my mouth, came the bombshell...
"Well, we could consider doing the dining room floor this weekend..." I mumbled quitely chewing on the straw in my diet coke.
So ensued the marathon home improvement project. It needed to be done. The carpet was okay with the exception of a turkey roaster size melt spot in one corner (who knew it would melt? I didn't have anywhere to put it! I wasn't the one who put the empty roaster in the oven for storage in the first place!), but the carpet was older and ratting and not without it's drawbacks. We have done quite a bit to redo our dining room already and it was starting to look out of place. We wanted something more formal and more functional, especially with the potential of little Cheerio slobbering and smushing monkeys in the next few years.
So, weeks ago we had purchased laminate hardwood flooring to replace the berber carpet in our dining room. It was a traumatic experience having picked a color and returning to discover it was sold out and then finding out that they wanted to charge us $100 to ship $200 worth of materials. On a random trip for tortilla chips, diet coke and nacho cheese for our vacation (We were at Sam's club), we found the color once again and snatched is up like a hawk to a field mouse.
And then it sat. It took up residence on our dining room wall and became victim to the busy schedule. It's only consolation was the random, longing glance we would send it's way as we scarfed down whatever dinner we had the energy and time to put together that evening.
Until this weekend. Friday after work, I emptied the room of it's furniture. Kevin and I pulled up the carpet. And we began laying the laminate. A relatively simple process with only a few cuts necessary with the table saw. We were done by 11:15. I swiffered the floor and admired our handiwork. We went to bed.
The next morning Kevin awoke at approximately 5:00 a.m. This is not usually for my husband who enjoys his mornings to sleep in as much as the next guy, but something had been bothering him all night. The seams we had worked tireless to line up perfectly were too conspicuous across the floor. They were too noticeable and did not look natural. So, after a trip the farmer's market and much agonizing over the extra work, we decided to pull up the floor, map it out and relay it, staggering the seams. Yes, we relaid the whole thing!!! But it looks a lot better...
And then there are all of the extraneous projects one decides to undertake in tangent to the larger project...A new screen for in front of the radiator...relocating all of the beer mugs on the shelf along the wall and replacing them with our wine bottles...restaining the moulding and trimming the door frame...affixing pads to the chairs and the table to protect our lovely new floor from scratches...and they are stil not all finished, but we're getting there.
Our feline children also contributed to the project. The spent most of their time testing the seams by sprawling full-bodied across any flooring that was complete. They also took their turn at christening the floor by disembodying and consuming several branches of fresh catnip. Needless to say, their druken-catnip stupor kept us well entertained during our many hours of construction.
Some of you are asking, how are the two of you still married? Actually, it was a good exercise in communication and teamwork for us. Sure, we both had our moments of frustration, but in the end it forced us to communicate, maintain patience, and make the best of it.
And the best part was, we got done in time to have our nice italian dinner at the fancy restaurant...we shared a fabulous authentic meal with a beautiful bottle of red wine...and then a drive out to the ledge to watch the sunset over the beautiful city lights.
At the end of each day and yes, even the end of each project, we are truly blessed by one another and the home we are building together.
After three nights, two full days, and 6 trips to Home Depot and Menards...
After a smashed up toe, punctured fingers, and several black paint stains on multiple extremities (which are still there 5 showers and 3 days later)...
So here is the story. Kevin and I had our first free weekend in weeks. With vacations and our constantly demanding work schedules it is rare for us to have a completely free weekend. We agreed weeks ago that we weren't scheduling with ANYONE for this weekend. We turned down dinners, celebrations, and tickets amongst friendly protests, but we did it. We maintained a free weekend.
So Friday, we went for our traditional Friday lunch out and began mapping out our plans. On the table was the State Fair in Milwaukee, a nice italian dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant we've been trying to get to for 9 months, a boat trip on the Fox River, a trip to the farmer's market, and a few odds and ends around the house.
And then, out of my mouth, came the bombshell...
"Well, we could consider doing the dining room floor this weekend..." I mumbled quitely chewing on the straw in my diet coke.
So ensued the marathon home improvement project. It needed to be done. The carpet was okay with the exception of a turkey roaster size melt spot in one corner (who knew it would melt? I didn't have anywhere to put it! I wasn't the one who put the empty roaster in the oven for storage in the first place!), but the carpet was older and ratting and not without it's drawbacks. We have done quite a bit to redo our dining room already and it was starting to look out of place. We wanted something more formal and more functional, especially with the potential of little Cheerio slobbering and smushing monkeys in the next few years.
So, weeks ago we had purchased laminate hardwood flooring to replace the berber carpet in our dining room. It was a traumatic experience having picked a color and returning to discover it was sold out and then finding out that they wanted to charge us $100 to ship $200 worth of materials. On a random trip for tortilla chips, diet coke and nacho cheese for our vacation (We were at Sam's club), we found the color once again and snatched is up like a hawk to a field mouse.
And then it sat. It took up residence on our dining room wall and became victim to the busy schedule. It's only consolation was the random, longing glance we would send it's way as we scarfed down whatever dinner we had the energy and time to put together that evening.
Until this weekend. Friday after work, I emptied the room of it's furniture. Kevin and I pulled up the carpet. And we began laying the laminate. A relatively simple process with only a few cuts necessary with the table saw. We were done by 11:15. I swiffered the floor and admired our handiwork. We went to bed.
The next morning Kevin awoke at approximately 5:00 a.m. This is not usually for my husband who enjoys his mornings to sleep in as much as the next guy, but something had been bothering him all night. The seams we had worked tireless to line up perfectly were too conspicuous across the floor. They were too noticeable and did not look natural. So, after a trip the farmer's market and much agonizing over the extra work, we decided to pull up the floor, map it out and relay it, staggering the seams. Yes, we relaid the whole thing!!! But it looks a lot better...
And then there are all of the extraneous projects one decides to undertake in tangent to the larger project...A new screen for in front of the radiator...relocating all of the beer mugs on the shelf along the wall and replacing them with our wine bottles...restaining the moulding and trimming the door frame...affixing pads to the chairs and the table to protect our lovely new floor from scratches...and they are stil not all finished, but we're getting there.
Our feline children also contributed to the project. The spent most of their time testing the seams by sprawling full-bodied across any flooring that was complete. They also took their turn at christening the floor by disembodying and consuming several branches of fresh catnip. Needless to say, their druken-catnip stupor kept us well entertained during our many hours of construction.
Some of you are asking, how are the two of you still married? Actually, it was a good exercise in communication and teamwork for us. Sure, we both had our moments of frustration, but in the end it forced us to communicate, maintain patience, and make the best of it.
And the best part was, we got done in time to have our nice italian dinner at the fancy restaurant...we shared a fabulous authentic meal with a beautiful bottle of red wine...and then a drive out to the ledge to watch the sunset over the beautiful city lights.
At the end of each day and yes, even the end of each project, we are truly blessed by one another and the home we are building together.
Moonlight...
Yes, I have been terribly derelict in my posting duties...so much has been going on too!
It seems like 6 months since we were on vacation and any level of relaxation that was reached, I have long fallen from. However, let's move on to my topic of the morning; moonlight.
It would seem that moonlight characterizes my marriage. My husband first kissed me by the full moon. We honeymooned during the full moon. And yes, my monthly cycles are heavily impacted by the full moon. (Hence the nonsense of July...two full moons in a month...what's a body to do?)
It makes me think that maybe the ancient people's weren't so far off base. We think they were crazy for some of their understandings of the body and it's relativity to the moon. I propose that maybe they weren't uneducated, but they maintained less impediments to the natural order that we categorize as "science". Now, don't get me wrong, science is an important tool. We just have to remember that it is a tool amongst many. We cannot allow science to preempt things like intuition, creativity, theology, philosophy and pure natural law.
The more natural my life becomes, the more aware of nature's patterns I become. I try very hard to maintain a chemical free life. As much as possible, I am trying to eat whole and organic foods (easy at this time of year when the farmer's market is teaming the delectible delights). I have chosen to remove extra hormones from my body by refraining from chemical birth control. I am attempting to find allergy treatment methods that reduce my dependence on a daily pill. I am also attempting to find more natural remedies to things like cramps, headaches, and fatigue.
The reality is, when your body hurts, it is trying to tell you something. Painkillers do not address the problem that your body is trying to indicate, it only masks the situation. If our lives are too busy to address the problem, maybe it isn't about finding the next great medication, but finding a better balance in life. Next time you have a headache, instead of reaching for the pill bottle, consider a big glass of water, a cold cloth and 10 minutes in a dark place with your eyes closed.
We as Americans have to stop expecting other people and items to make the lives we pack full of nonsense easier. We are breeding a lazy and undisciplined society with too many distractions. How is this even possible? Does anyone see that we perceive ourselves as the busy nation in the world, but we are perceived as one of the laziest? Kevin and I were discussing the value of "processes" the other day and agreed that a world that puts undue value on processes is creating lazy and stupid people. We are not becoming more efficient! We are limiting what people have to learn, develop, and be accountable for!!!
Anyways, back to the moon. I actually set out for this piece to be a reflection on the moon in my marriage, the natural beauty that is love, and the faithfulness that is our Lord. I suppose, like a sculptor, that isn't what wanted to be carved away.
Either way, it comes down to this; the moon is a nightly reminder that we need constancy, simplicity, and beauty in our lives. There will be times when it is full, new, waxing and waning, but we need to make every effort to maintain a constant, simple and beautiful balance in our lives that allows us to live free and unhindered by the trappings of this world.
It seems like 6 months since we were on vacation and any level of relaxation that was reached, I have long fallen from. However, let's move on to my topic of the morning; moonlight.
It would seem that moonlight characterizes my marriage. My husband first kissed me by the full moon. We honeymooned during the full moon. And yes, my monthly cycles are heavily impacted by the full moon. (Hence the nonsense of July...two full moons in a month...what's a body to do?)
It makes me think that maybe the ancient people's weren't so far off base. We think they were crazy for some of their understandings of the body and it's relativity to the moon. I propose that maybe they weren't uneducated, but they maintained less impediments to the natural order that we categorize as "science". Now, don't get me wrong, science is an important tool. We just have to remember that it is a tool amongst many. We cannot allow science to preempt things like intuition, creativity, theology, philosophy and pure natural law.
The more natural my life becomes, the more aware of nature's patterns I become. I try very hard to maintain a chemical free life. As much as possible, I am trying to eat whole and organic foods (easy at this time of year when the farmer's market is teaming the delectible delights). I have chosen to remove extra hormones from my body by refraining from chemical birth control. I am attempting to find allergy treatment methods that reduce my dependence on a daily pill. I am also attempting to find more natural remedies to things like cramps, headaches, and fatigue.
The reality is, when your body hurts, it is trying to tell you something. Painkillers do not address the problem that your body is trying to indicate, it only masks the situation. If our lives are too busy to address the problem, maybe it isn't about finding the next great medication, but finding a better balance in life. Next time you have a headache, instead of reaching for the pill bottle, consider a big glass of water, a cold cloth and 10 minutes in a dark place with your eyes closed.
We as Americans have to stop expecting other people and items to make the lives we pack full of nonsense easier. We are breeding a lazy and undisciplined society with too many distractions. How is this even possible? Does anyone see that we perceive ourselves as the busy nation in the world, but we are perceived as one of the laziest? Kevin and I were discussing the value of "processes" the other day and agreed that a world that puts undue value on processes is creating lazy and stupid people. We are not becoming more efficient! We are limiting what people have to learn, develop, and be accountable for!!!
Anyways, back to the moon. I actually set out for this piece to be a reflection on the moon in my marriage, the natural beauty that is love, and the faithfulness that is our Lord. I suppose, like a sculptor, that isn't what wanted to be carved away.
Either way, it comes down to this; the moon is a nightly reminder that we need constancy, simplicity, and beauty in our lives. There will be times when it is full, new, waxing and waning, but we need to make every effort to maintain a constant, simple and beautiful balance in our lives that allows us to live free and unhindered by the trappings of this world.
20 July, 2007
A Week at the Lake...
Every good vacation has it's moments...our's included my mother and father, my 2-year-old brothers, my 17-year-old sister, my 19-year-old sister and her boyfriend, and my husband...not to mention a vast and assorted cast of my extended family on both sides...how great it is to have parents from the same home town...for your amusement, here are some of the quotes that ensued...
"He's a good husband to us." My sister about my husband...
"That's it! We're getting a divorce!" My husband ab out my sister...
"...white squirrel dip..." My grandmother's handwriting...it was actually supposed to indicate a dessert...
"Are you flossing your teeth in the backseat of my car?" My mom to me on the way to church...
"Don't scorch the monkey!" My sister to me...in regards to...well, a video game...
"Eesh! Oot! Gak!" My baby brother...translation..."shoes, out, walk"...c'mon people, brush up on your baby!
"There were so many things wrong with that sentence! I mean, ovulation and spit crystals?" My sister's boyfriend to my sister in regards to my ovulation microscope...
"Shoot! Oh shoot! (emphatically) I forgot it! I missed one! I missed "Margaritaville"!" My dad...
"Margarine is the devil's oil!" My uncle...
"He's in the neighbor's yard eating desicated minnow carcuses..." The same uncle...in reference to...umm, the dog.
"My boyfriend is waterskiing and won't let go and I am here floating on a piece of foam and puffing on my inhaler...that's irony..." My sister...
You see, life in my family is never boring. I ate a ton, but actually lost weight because I laughed so hard. You think I'm joking? Spend a day in a "glorified double-wide" with my family...heck, spend an hour...you'll see!
09 July, 2007
Marriage Question
Well...I've been married for two months now and working for one. It has been an interesting and exhausting ride!
I wanted to go back and address a question asked of me in regards to Catholic marriage. I had stated that the purpose of Catholic marriage is two-fold and if one purpose wasn't agreeable, one might need to reconsider the desire to marry.
Purpose:
#1 To willing accept any children God gives.
#2 To bring one another closer to God and the Kingdom of Heaven.
A question was posed to me as to what I thought about a woman who never wanted children. Was I saying that she shouldn't get married?
There are two parts to that question. One, I am not saying it. I am simply representing what I believe based on what the Church has said regarding the Sacrament of Marriage.
Two, the answer truly lies in the woman's heart. If those two requirements are the case and she truly believes she is marrying a man because their marriage will bring them both closer to God and increase the Catholic community in its own way, then it is up to her conscience.
That said, it is rare to find someone who honestly believes her reason for marrying is pure that isn't also willing to bear children in her marriage. It is not an impossible occurance, but it is rare. The reason being is because it is in the "one flesh union" or intimacy of marriage that we give fully of ourselves to the other in the example of Christ and his Church. If we are not willing to offer our spouse our full selves in our fertility, be it through contraception or even misuse of NFP, we are not fully exemplifying the relationship between Christ and his Church and therefore not moving one another towards God.
Here are a few additional comments on the subject from other Catholic sources.
"As a sacrament matrimony is entirely oriented on man's supernatural goal. Matrimony and order are the two sacraments which not only serve the individual in reaching this goal but are there for the benefit of the community. Matrimony is there for the mutual help of the spouses and the increase of the people of God. Devotion to his twofold end is the way of salvation for married couples, a way sanctified by the sacrament. 'Yet she shall be saved through childbearing; if she continues in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety' (1 Tim:2:15)."
http://www.catholic.org/clife/prayers/sacrament.php?id=7
"Second, neither does the council continue to employ the old distinction between primary and secondary ends in which the begetting of children is always more important than the mutual love of (two people). "Hence, while not making the other ends of marriage of less value, the true practice of conjugal love, and the whole nature of family life resulting from it, tend to dispose the spouses to cooperate courageously with the love of the creator and Savior who through them day by day expands and enriches His own family" (n. 50, italics McBrien's)."
http://www.whiterobedmonks.org/marr2.html
As you can see, the Church regularly considers the role of marriage in the Church as well as in society. They have removed the priority placed on childbearing, but they do not believe that removing the priority negates any of its importance. Also, the two-folds in marriage are clearly not mutually exclusive and in fact are based in one another, adding another sticky element to being opposed to God's gift of children.
Celebrant: Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
Celebrant: Will you love and honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?
Celebrant: Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?
Maybe the Church needs to reconsider the wording of this declaration to better represent their focus on the dual purpose of marriage, but for now I guess I just don't feel like lying to or with my spouse in the course of my marriage ceremony.
I wanted to go back and address a question asked of me in regards to Catholic marriage. I had stated that the purpose of Catholic marriage is two-fold and if one purpose wasn't agreeable, one might need to reconsider the desire to marry.
Purpose:
#1 To willing accept any children God gives.
#2 To bring one another closer to God and the Kingdom of Heaven.
A question was posed to me as to what I thought about a woman who never wanted children. Was I saying that she shouldn't get married?
There are two parts to that question. One, I am not saying it. I am simply representing what I believe based on what the Church has said regarding the Sacrament of Marriage.
Two, the answer truly lies in the woman's heart. If those two requirements are the case and she truly believes she is marrying a man because their marriage will bring them both closer to God and increase the Catholic community in its own way, then it is up to her conscience.
That said, it is rare to find someone who honestly believes her reason for marrying is pure that isn't also willing to bear children in her marriage. It is not an impossible occurance, but it is rare. The reason being is because it is in the "one flesh union" or intimacy of marriage that we give fully of ourselves to the other in the example of Christ and his Church. If we are not willing to offer our spouse our full selves in our fertility, be it through contraception or even misuse of NFP, we are not fully exemplifying the relationship between Christ and his Church and therefore not moving one another towards God.
Here are a few additional comments on the subject from other Catholic sources.
"As a sacrament matrimony is entirely oriented on man's supernatural goal. Matrimony and order are the two sacraments which not only serve the individual in reaching this goal but are there for the benefit of the community. Matrimony is there for the mutual help of the spouses and the increase of the people of God. Devotion to his twofold end is the way of salvation for married couples, a way sanctified by the sacrament. 'Yet she shall be saved through childbearing; if she continues in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety' (1 Tim:2:15)."
http://www.catholic.org/clife/prayers/sacrament.php?id=7
"Second, neither does the council continue to employ the old distinction between primary and secondary ends in which the begetting of children is always more important than the mutual love of (two people). "Hence, while not making the other ends of marriage of less value, the true practice of conjugal love, and the whole nature of family life resulting from it, tend to dispose the spouses to cooperate courageously with the love of the creator and Savior who through them day by day expands and enriches His own family" (n. 50, italics McBrien's)."
http://www.whiterobedmonks.org/marr2.html
As you can see, the Church regularly considers the role of marriage in the Church as well as in society. They have removed the priority placed on childbearing, but they do not believe that removing the priority negates any of its importance. Also, the two-folds in marriage are clearly not mutually exclusive and in fact are based in one another, adding another sticky element to being opposed to God's gift of children.
The answer lies in one's heart, which is educated and formed in faith.
One last thought. These following lines precede the vows in the Rite of Marriage in the Catholic Church.Celebrant: Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
Celebrant: Will you love and honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?
Celebrant: Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?
Maybe the Church needs to reconsider the wording of this declaration to better represent their focus on the dual purpose of marriage, but for now I guess I just don't feel like lying to or with my spouse in the course of my marriage ceremony.
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